Oh yeah....the phone rang and Henry jumped about a foot high...unfortunately it was while he was trying to drive his head down into my half full glass of beer...it managed to spray all over the white sofa, the blanket on the sofa, the carpet, the wall, the desk, the wooden box next to the sofa, and not a drop on Henry...
A man was hiking through the hills in Scotland and stopped for a drink at a mountain stream.An old shepherd, rather tattered and worn shouted to him:
"Dinna take a draught oot o the riffle laddie, 'tis poorly wi' the dregs o ma cattle"(Translates to: don't drink the water sir, it's full of cow shit)
The hiker said, "I say old man, I'll have you know I'm an English gentleman. Please address me in the proper English language, you heathen."
The shepherd replied, "I said ....use both hands.You will be able to get more in your mouth."
this cracked me up...the British can be so very boorish sometimes...
What is it with celebrities who clearly can afford a limo or at least a damn taxi but still insist on driving their own car while drinking? Along with the Paris Hiltons of the world, and all those other collective rehab queens, I read in the news today that Keifer Sutherland has now been charged with a DUI. Dammit people, take a fucking taxi! Clearly fame and fortune has clouded their judgment, either that or they were dumb asses before their DUI's...
Henry has a monkey on his back. Yup, a full blown addiction. I had been giving him regular milk with some hot water in it since bringing him home a few weeks ago, and that has always gone over fairly well, with Stormy willingly cleaning up the leftovers. But with the price of fresh milk and lack of availability in my town sometimes, I thought I might change him to canned milk instead, which is what I had typically given kittens over the years. I know, I know, many would argue that kittens don't need milk, just water...but I WANT to give him milk, I just didn't know how strung out he'd become on canned milk (with hot water added).
When the bowl is empty, such as in the first of the morning, Henry begins with a panicked meowing, and will come stomping over to me, demanding the milk. If I ignore his pleas and head into another room, he will follow me and meow very demandingly until I do something. He runs back and forth to his bowl, and then back to me, meowing very loudly the entire time. I've attempted to capture it on video because he just cracks me up, however he is FAST and the video is blurry.
When I do give in and give him some milk, he beats me to the feeding mat, and drives his face down into the bowl of milk immediately, with it frothing and running down his chin, all over his neck fur. He tears into it like a crack addict lighting up a fresh rock...FUNNY AS SHIT!
this was sent to me by an old school friend...I did not write this but I did think it was pause for thought...
Scenario # 1: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1977 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lockdown, the RCMP are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario # 2: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1977 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario # 3: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.
1977 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal?s office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra provincial funding because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario # 4: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1977 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario # 5: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.
1977 - Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario # 6: Pedro fails high-school English.
1977 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Canadian Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against provincial school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario # 7: Johnny takes apart leftover Canada Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1977 - Ants die.
2007 - Canadian Firearms Centre and the RCMP are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. CSIS investigates parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario # 8: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.
1977 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
Many of us have become skilled at it, I know I am. While it looks good on a resume, I'm not sure if I like where we are going with it. How many of you can honestly say that when you sit down to read this, you're not doing at least one other thing? Doing a load of laundry? Cooking supper? Surfing the web? Checking your email? We all do it of course. Often times I am doing several things at a time, such as:
No wonder my mother thinks I am not giving her my full attention when we communicate...
When we multitask at work, we are expected to do so...making it difficult to make that transition back into homelife, where we should be relaxing and enjoying each task/activity as we move through it. Instead we attempt to stuff as much as we can into the day, fearing we'll miss out on something. Or are we simply living every day to the fullest?
I frequently travel for work, and from time to time have a hefty travel claim. Given I the nearest bank (that I deal with) is a 6 hour drive away, I mail my cheques in along with a deposit slip. Should be a simple task...people in remote areas do it all the time. I banked this way while I lived back east on the coast for 12 years. Then "Doris" (not her real name) came across my path...or should I say the path of my money...
I had mailed the last hefty cheque to the bank in late August. As of this morning it still had not shown up in my account. Hmmm...nearly 4 weeks ago since it was mailed...how did it travel? by raft across the lake? On a beaver tail? Carrier pigeon? In search of answers, I began making calls today. First call was to the bank - where the hell is my cheque? Of course, no one can actually make a call to a bank and ACTUALLY talk to someone when the phone is picked up...so I had to leave a voicemail. sigh...
Shortly after leaving the message, I get a call. Missy on the other end says "Sorry miss, have not seen it, it must be lost in the mail, you will have to get a stop payment on it." Hmmm...I'm going to call my employer and find out if the cheque had been cashed before I do that. 6 people later, I had been passed around like a bowl of peanuts at the bar...when I finally got to speak to someone who could ACTUALLY help me. Of course, all the previous folks were insistent that while they could not help me, the person they were passing me off to could, and in fact, was awaiting my call since they just checked to see if they are at their desk...yeah, right...I'm less than convinced. Finally the 6th person can help. Oh yeah, she could help.
Turns out that my bank had not only received my cheque, they had also CASHED it on August 30th. Their cancel stamps and coding were all over the back of it. So she faxed me a copy of it and sure enough, there in grey and white was my cashed cheque. I call my bank back...voicemail...sigh. Smug message left on voicemail...no response. It's after 3:00pm and I want this resolved NOW. so I call back and missy on the other end tells me that she had already returned my call today. Um, yeah, new information honey. I proceed to tell her about my proof...a shocked voice on the other end asks if I would please fax the page to her. No problemo senorita...my PLEASURE.
Then I get a call from "Doris". She apologizes profusely and tells me that it was her fault, that she had overlooked my transit number (it is not from that branch) and mistakenly put their transit number on the back of the cheque and deposited into someone else's account. ooops.
Lucky for her I was on the other end of a phone and not in the bank...she didn't have to see me ROLL my eyes back in my head. sigh...so I politely accepted her apology and asked her when my money would be returned to me. Her reply was that she would process it immediately after ending our call. I agreed, and informed her that I would be checking my account in 5 minutes and it had best be there. She assured me it would, and ended the call, still apologizing...yeah, whatever.
So I checked my account 5 minutes later and the money was there. It's about fucking time.
This particular bank has been so incompetent to deal with over the years, though I reckon incompetence hides in every bank, somewhere. I can easily understand why some people prefer to hide their money in the mattress...
