Recurring Dreams

I'm sure everyone gets them at one time or another. I've been getting two different ones for several years now. The first one is about me trying to travel somewhere, no particular destination repeats itself, and I am always unable to make it. Either my laundry isn't done in time, my suitcase isn't packed, I can't find something that I need to take with me, I miss the boat/bus/plane/train or I have lost the tickets.

The second dream is always about me walking and/or running through a school from floor to floor, inside and outside, through classrooms, locker rooms, offices, etc and never finding what I need, or getting where I'm going.

I wonder what they mean...its no wonder I'm tired in the morning...I'm always rushing in my sleep!

The Drive Home, part two

I was quite excited today. I drove home in daylight! And that was AFTER a stop at Crappy Tire to pick up a couple of fuses for the dryer. It was great. I am so sick of this darkness. If I end up not really going out during the day at work, I basically get to work just after daylight and get home in the dark. Ugh. I can't imagine what my friend K. is doing in Inuvik...I recall an email a few weeks ago where she mentioned that the sun was coming up at 11am...

So when I got home from work today, I noticed that my Christmas lights had more off than on bulbs. What a piece of shit. Thats all I can say. They are Santa Lights from Wal-Mart. I should take them back, ice and all. I didn't pay a whole lot for them, about $5 for the string of 25, but they should at LEAST last me one season. I am so fed up with buying crappy lights! Unless a sexy man shows up to staples some to the eaves next year, I'm not putting them up anymore. I guess I did have more to say...

Its All Over

but the cleanup...the non-resident teen has returned to the city via bus last night. It was two hours late, so we were impressed. She was tired, cold and hungry by the time the bus arrived after sitting in the car for that long. But now she's home, safe and sound and I am left with nothing but the cleanup. I'm back to work today, and on call for the weekend so Christmas is basically over for me now. S'alright...I am ready to put things back to normal around here again anyhow.

The one thing I fear though is moving that tree. As is usual with bought trees, they are somewhat older than one you cut yourself and therefore lose a few more needles...this one sounds like a shower of rain each time I touch it to plug in the lights, so I figure its gonna make one hell of a mess when I try to stuff it out through the door again. Maybe I can just leave it there until they all fall off, vacuum it up and then throw the trunk out the door???

Then there is the chocolate, cookies and leftovers. I parceled out most of the cookies with either Amber or the neighbors...the chocolate is heading into work with me today to be left behind, and the leftovers...well, I am sick of looking at them so will be dumped into the garbage today. I don't know when garbage day is (because of the holidays), but like all good country people around here, there is an ugly rusted old freezer at the end of my driveway to put garbage in so I will likely just throw a bag or two down there today.

Then after all is cleaned up, the furniture is moved back to its regular space, it will be time to settle in for the winter...sigh...and we already have a huge dump of snow. I had to get plowed out yesterday, but it didn't take long and he had a price I couldn't argue with - free. It might be just to hook me in for the winter, or maybe he is just a nice guy (the husband of my hairdresser and he lives just down the road). Whatever the case, I am very grateful! We still had a piece to shovel up through the steps and walk-way.

I want spring.

slothful teenagers

I got one...she's home from university for Christmas and other than going to visit her friends in my car, or piling away food at the table, she hasn't moved much from the sofa, curled up in my new quilt...I had forgotten how slothful teenagers can be :-)

All my offers to help with the jigsaw puzzle (after all, it is The Simpsons!), play a game, read a book, watch a movie, go for a walk, etc...goes by the wayside in light of a good nap on the sofa. I feel a little frustrated that I cannot seem to entertain her more, out here in the "boonies" she calls it, however, I would still prefer to have her napping on my sofa than back in the city away from me...sigh...I miss her so much.

We made the trek into town earlier today, through a near blizzard because she was feeling very shack wacky. I cleared out I don't know how much snow by myself after telling her WE were clearing the driveway if WE were going to town. I went in to see what in the hell she was doing and what was taking so long and dear, sweet child of mine, was watching me from the window...so we hustled her into some suitable attire and she joined me in the driveway. I explained to her what my shovelling plan was (the driveway is so huge, and I have a bit of a parking lot, so don't plan on doing the WHOLE thing) and she still basically stood there for most of the time, leaning on her shovel with an "I give up" look. So, as usual, mother finished off the driveway and when checking to see if the car was stuck or would get stuck...I revved her up and took off to the end of the driveway and out onto the main road...making the dear sweet child, walk the distance to the car through the snow left in the driveway...awwww...what a meanie...

I need a nap.

Christmas Day

even in the absence of little children and a big family...the non-resident teenager was still up at 6:30am...she was awake much earlier, but had been given fair warning before heading to bed the night before...

By 7am, we had all gifts open and so set about exploring our goods, and then settled in for some naps...before long though, the child was chomping at the car keys to get out and visit. But first...we checked out the dishes from the dishwasher (that I had loaded later on last night) and they were all FILTHY. so I informed my dear daughter that she would need to help her mother clean the dishes first, before said keys would be turned over...she willingly (ok, a small whine) helped out and before long, was on her way. I puttered around a bit, worked on my new puzzle (The Simpsons) watched some of my new DVD (ER, Season One) set and then headed out to A. & R.'s for yet another turkey dinner...it was marvellous, and we overate, again! This time, R. finished first...

While the supper was cooking though, R. and I played with his new toy...a race car set!!! It was his second favorite gift (first being a beautiful digital camera the size of a deck of cards). We raced and raced and raced some more...I had raced as a child with my brother's set, but R. revealed that it was his life-long dream to own one and never did as a child...so there we were, sitting in the living room with the race car set on the windowseat (very large bay window seat) and the lights dimmed, so we could see the headlights light up...from time to time, Mount Rupert (aka resident kitty) would attack and it was anyone's game...

A few phone calls to family and friends somewhere along the way...

Once back at home, I chilled a little longer, before the non-resident teen arrived home, promptly at midnight, and we watched as B-rad opened up his loot from Santa at our house.

And that was Christmas Day...

Tumbleweed

No, I haven't moved to the desert...I received a lovely teddy bear from my friends A. and R. who came for supper that night. She had heard me bemuse in the past about not owning a teddy bear as a child...a regular ordinary brown bear, who I could hug. I guess it was because of my allergies, but funnily enough, both my brother and sister had a teddy bear and still have them...hmmm...in any event, the bear arrived in a gift bag on Christmas Eve. I was so excited that I cried, yes, big sloppy tears...so then I had to hug everyone, including the bear. And so the naming ritual began...we went though several choices before this one came to me late that night - Tumbleweed...it just suits him.

many thanks to my dear friends for making my dream come true!

The Holidaze

Well, after crawling out from a fog of food, gifts, people and liquor...I have surfaced.

Christmas was very nice, thanks. the big Hoser was impatient to hear how it had been...lol...only fair I guess, I pester him when he doesn't update his blog...

After the purple hair incident...I drove a friend and a child in care up to Halifax and then did the fast turnaround and came right back to Cape Breton. It was a mostly uneventful trip although the child that travelled with us certainly tried hard to put us in the holiday spirit with 19 renditions of Christmas carols...she knew quite a number of them, along with knock-knock jokes, recitations from school, hop scotch songs, pop music, and did I mention she knew a pile of Christmas carols? I had forgotten what it was like to travel with a young child in the car....probably because I rarely did it. When Amber was that age, we didn't own a car, nor did we live in a town that had roads...lol

We arrived home around 10pm that night, and unpacked the presents, and lounged in the living room until about 1am, then crawled off to bed. The next day was a flurry of activity as I prepared the annual turkey fest, cleaned the house some more (kids are messy, no matter what age) and before I knew it, my friends were here and turkey was upon us...and in us...we surely ate our weight in food that day...although Amber out ate both men! That's my girl...she had her plate cleaned before they had their bread buttered I think...Brad said he was trying to keep up but thought he was going to throw up so slowed down again and admitted defeat. She then piled up another plateful and won the second round as well...

We retired once again to the living room after making a half-hearted attempt at the dishes. We debated whether or not to try the fussy dishwasher that hasn't been working well and finally decided to give it a try, however, something was lost in the communication as everyone dropped what they were doing and hid in the living room...so they didn't even get put in the dishwasher...to hell with it...I went to the living room too! Christmas comes but once a year and as long as the leftovers were taken care of properly...

Later in the evening, after friends returned to their home, Amber, Brad and I drove on over to his home to leave him with his family for the night, visiting a bit once there. His sibs were quite excited as they didn't know he was coming home for Christmas!

Amber and I returned home for our first Christmas alone together...we tried to think of Christmas Eve's past and couldn't come up with one in recent history where it was just the two of us. Awww...so we each opened one gift, hung out in front of the tree and television before heading off to bed to wait for Santa.

The morning came early enough...I usually take something to help me sleep and forgot that night, so by the time I remembered, it was too late! And I tossed and turned all night....it wasn't just because of Santa either...

I'm sweating pimpin purple

so here I am, last morning before the non-resident teen comes home...need to cover up that pukey dirty green-grey color, so I put in the usual pimpin purple hair dye and then set about my housework...have to vacuum, put presents back under tree after tree reconstruction, general tidying of house, get laundry done, etc...I wipe the sweat from my face and lo and behold...it is purple...ha ha...I have a bag on my head (not the first time for that either...nor is it the first suggestion) to keep the heat in, and I normally sweat a little when doing housework (who doesn't) but the sweat trickled through the purple dye and down my face...looked in the mirror and I am purple faced...ha ha...thankfully, there must be something in the sweat that keeps it from dying my face too much and I was able to wash it off...PHEW! Funny enough when people comment on my hair...let alone my purple face! Speaking of which, I didn't get a whole lot of notice in Waterloo when I had my hair different colors...it was not that odd, that people glanced and kept on walking. WELL. Here in conservative Catholic Cape Breton, I get a lot of notice. Darn near EVERYONE I deal with will comment on my hair. Out loud. And most kids, especially in Wal-Mart, will comment on my hair, out loud. I have heard more little ones say "mommy, look at that lady's hair!!!!" Which is great most of the time (I certainly didn't dye my hair to fit in!!!), except when I want to be a little less conspicious because I just want to slip into the store and grab something and go. All my clients know I have colored hair, and many work at or seem to LIVE at Wal-Mart, so I don't always want attention drawn to myself. Not all my clients really like to see me very much, heh heh...granted, it is a fine icebreaker with clients and especially the kids I deal with. However, I have to learn to wear a hat sometimes I think...

Anyhow...I am sweating pimpin purple today...

and then there was the tree...

Oh yes, my lovely Christmas tree...I even bragged about it. It is a handsome tree, best I've ever had. And then the lights went out. First 50, then a few days later, another 50. Dammit. I have two strings on there, 100 each and I am guessing that 50 each run on some sort of separate line within the string. So there I am with only half the tree lit up. And if any or all of you have decorated a tree, you know full well the lights go on first. Well damn, now I had to strip the lights off the bottom and replace them. So I go to town, in search of a clear light string. Um...there are none. The 5 rows of lights at Wal-mart have been reduced to a 1/4 section of a shelf. Great. Now I have to buy all new lights and strip the whole tree of lights...because you can't have clear on top and multi on the bottom...sacrilige! So that's what I did this morning. Strip the lights off...disentangle them from all the friggin ornaments and the wooden bead garland, nearly tipped the tree over and deflower that poor angel on the top.

I hadn't mentioned the angel...I bought the poor thing at a Boxing Day sale one Christmas when I was visiting my parents. She was discounted so much that I just had to rescue her. That was in 1992. Somewhere in the many moves since then, her halo broke and her lights gave out. So I have been taping her halo back together and taking the last few lights from the tree and stuffing them up inside of poor angel. This year, the tree top was broken on my tree, perhaps in transit, so I had to create a new one for poor angel to prop herself on. And getting those darn lights to stay inside along with stuffing her on the pseudo top was no easy feat. And today I had to deflower her again. I damn near fell into the tree...it nearly had it, and I probably would have given up and chucked it out the front door at that point.

And let me tell you, that would not be a first either. I kid you not. The first year poor angel spent on the top of my tree, Christmas of 1992, a good friend throught it would be funny to take her down and strap her to his head, and plug her in. I have pictures. Ha ha, I laughed, now put that poor girl back where she belongs....and then the ex-husband were arsing around in front of the tree, and ex-husband decided it would be funny to throw good friend INTO the Christmas tree. It was my first REAL tree too. I had taken a great deal of criticism for it as well. I was living in outport Newfoundland and if any of you have been to the rock, you know there are not really any trees to speak of there, particularly on the southwest coast. So I didn't have the perfect tree. That didn't mean they had to DESTROY it. It was at a party on the 28th and I entered the living room just as dear friend was crawling out of the tree. I attempted to realign the ornaments, but to no avail. So I got real pissy and spent the rest of the party (1am) ripping the ornaments off the tree and throwing them in the box, and heaved the tree out the patio door and off the deck to the ground below, a good 10 feet. And that's where it stayed for the rest of the winter. Lets just say the party wrapped up quickly after that. With the exception of another friend, Brian who kept asking me if I was okay, and after 13 times, I informed him he would be joining said tree if he didn't shut the hell up. And then I threw him out the front door. Merry F-ing Christmas.

And then there was the time Christmas just didn't work out for me in 2002 and I came home, same date of the year and ripped all the ornaments off and biffed the tree out the front door onto the step where it stayed until spring cleanup.

It must be something about years that end in 2...

In any event, the tree looks wonderful, I had to remove the wooden bead garland to put the lights back on, but then rearranged them and the end result is quite handsome again.

Phew. Now I have to remove all the presents from under it and vacuum up the piles of needles that fell during above reconstruction...

Experiment gone bad...

oh yeah...its the hair. lets just say it did not come out indigo blue. try minty grey...think someone's pukey dirty mint green bridesmaid dress. oh yes, I am impressed. The bleaching went just fine, and then when I put in the indigo blue, it looked like it was going to take, and then I washed my hair, as directed on the bottle...and most of the color came out. great. it looks like shit. I have to dye it again tomorrow morning...this time using my own reliable dye, in pimpin purple...sigh...I must think to order my dye in another color tomorrow...

My New Motto

Comes from a song by Neil Young that I heard again tonight while I was "chillin"- "it's better to burn out than it is to rust". I think that says something about living life to the fullest and enjoy the ride. I told Amber the other day not to worry so much about marks...it doesn't matter if you ride first class all the time...sometimes it's just as important that you rode at all.

My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue) - Blackburn, Neil Young

My my, hey hey
Rock and roll is here to stay
It's better to burn out
Than to fade away
My my, hey hey.

Out of the blue and into the black
They give you this, but you pay for that
And once you're gone, you can never come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black.

The king is gone but he's not forgotten
This is the story of a Johnny Rotten
It's better to burn out than it is to rust
The king is gone but he's not forgotten.

Hey hey, my my
Rock and roll can never die
There's more to the picture
Than meets the eye.
Hey hey, my my.

Yeah, you go Neil...

I'm ALL Done

sure, I know, everyone will be writing about their Christmas shopping...but I am all DONE! I have every last gift bought, every last card sent, every last cookie baked, every last grocery item bought, every last alcoholic beverage bought, and every last present wrapped. D-O-N-E.

Now I have to clean up the house a little (funny how those dust bunnies arrive just in time for the holidaze...) and tonight the task at hand is re-doing my hair. Now, if you have been reading along, you might know that I don't do brunette or blonde...I do candy apple red, pimpin purple, blue mayhem, etc...tonight's color is indigo blue. Its not my regular dye though, some brought back from the states by a friend's mother, but I thought, what the hell, give it a try...if it doesn't work, I have the better part of a bottle left of the pimpin purple...

Then I will be truly all done. I bought a crapload of candies, chocolate, fruit, chips...all the goodies...now after I pick up the non-resident teen tomorrow, I will be camping out at home! Turkey with all the trimmings is on the menu for Friday...YUM!

stay tuned...

check this out...mature subject matter

Just a little site that a friend sent along...its quite interesting...

Orgasmica

Happy Birthday To Me

Hey I can't believe its been 5 days since I wrote! The longest absence ever...tsk tsk...well, the thing is, I got some heat for one of my posts, so was not really in the mood for a few days, then I got busy and now I finally, sort of have time to write something. I have been baking all weekend...got some treats made for the non-resident teen, as well as a gingerbread house, right from scratch. My friends found it rather stressful to be around me when I was working on the construction of the gingerbread house...see, they are somewhat clumsy and I had JUST enough pieces made to make the house with, with only a few doors and one extra wall, so if they broke my pieces before I got it put together, I would be very upset. So when K. dropped some chocolates on the gable, I nearly took her head off...

Anyhow, got the gingerbread put together, and sat around with my friends last night, eating, drinking, eating, smoking, eating, drinking, you know...the usual...ha ha. Not that we were all smoking, but that there is a smoker or two in the group. We watched some movies on tv...humour was good last night on the dish. So today, have to watch some drama to balance it all out...

I ended up turning 38 at midnight alone though, as they were all gone home or to bed. K stayed over in roomie's room. (Roomie has gone on vacation for a couple of weeks to visit family). I was on the phone though, with my ex-roomie and friend, B, who had a baby just 10 days ago! Congratulations B! And Rusty James is in the movie Rumble Fish, an SE Hinton book. The character is played by Matt Dillon.

It was the first birthday I have spent without Amber though...wahhh...she did call today, but its not the same...although I will have to get used to it.

My dad called, and then brother, then Amber, then my mom...still haven't heard from my sister yet, but she was out at the staff party last night, so is likely not feeling too well just yet, with the time difference and all.

So today, I am finishing up my baking, watching some movies...and I am OFF tomorrow, which is just grand...I didn't get to take my relief day on Friday because of court, so I can take it tomorrow. I have to get all the baking and cleaning done before Tuesday, as then its back to work for a few days, before heading up to the city to pick up the younguns.

Happy Birthday to me!

I think I have AAADD

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD which stands for Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it goes... I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table.

OK, I'm going to do the laundry...

BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack....

BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. here's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter.

What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and...Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...

BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control...And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...

I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious...I will get help...

BUT FIRST... I think I'll check my e-mail.

Whimper, whimper

that's the sound of my computer trying to outwhine me. We have been through a hell of a weekend! As you may know, I have been suffering terribly with dial-up internet. Yesterday I decided I was going to try to clean up the computer to see if that would help it any, as my computer was also getting quite sluggish.

Well...so began our weekend. I couldn't get my trusty old reg cleaner to work, so tried downloading a new one. That one could only do so much without registering and paying $20. So I downloaded two different freeware ones...they wouldn't work, errors. So I downloaded a program called error nuker...it had an error and wouldn't work...oh the irony. So I tried to download the Window's update again, had been trying for days...its the huge file, Service Pack 2 and takes forever. Finally got it and it wouldn't install. Ok, WTF is goin' on?

So I caved and called Dell. Granted, I DID pay for 4 years of tech support, so why not use them. They were extremely helpful AND knowledgable. Just what I needed. So their suggestion was to format the whole hard drive. EGADS!!! I didn't know it was that serious!!! I hadn't done that since I was inundated with viruses in 1996 on my old Packard Bell 486. Ok, well, let me get ready and call you back. I proceeded to backup all my stuff, or so I thought(something happned to my address book). Then I called them back...we did the format, then went through the tedius steps of reinstalling Windows, the drivers, etc. Then I had to install my own software, and try out the internet.

Then WHAM. I was attacked by viruses. I had been trying to download updates for the antivirus as I was only able to reinstall the version that came with the puter last February, so there are tons of updates I don't have yet. I got that nasty sasser worm, and it got me about 3 times before I finally got the Windows update that kept it at bay. It shuts your whole computer down. I had left the computer running and downloading the windows updates last night and the antivirus zapped about 15 viruses as they tried to get in. I finally got rid of the worm this morning. So I think I have all the updates and some stability in my poor computer.

Then I had to download the goodies again - my internet call manager from the phone company, msn messenger, yahoo companion...that stuff. It took forever, but I got it. Now I am sick of my computer and want to run from it screaming...

but I won't desert you, dear puter...I just need a rest....and so do you

O Christmas Tree

Well, after some struggle, I managed to put up my tree. It was very different...in the past few years, I have gone on some type of quest or another for the perfect tree in the woods with friends. This year I bought one in the parking lot of the grocery store (EGADS) and I have to say, without a doubt, it is the nicest looking tree I have ever had the privilege of decorating. It cost me $25, but was well worth it. I bought it on Monday night, as a the quest partners were purchasing theirs and had access to a truck to bring them home, however, I didn't bother with it until tonight and had hoped to wait until tomorrow so I could get my neighbor to trim the trunk before I brought it into the house.

Then I heard the weather forecast...snow, snow and more snow, then some rain, and some more snow. So I thought I had best get the tree into the house tonight, before it was buried in snow. And my neighbor wasn't home, so I was forced once again to perform a chore that I hate...sawing. My shoulder is a wimp...old injury that flared up again this past month. I damaged the rotator cuff and separated the shoulder wayyyy back in 1997 when I was learning Jujitsu...damn breakfall rolls. Anyhow, the sawing just about did me in. The phone rang at one point, and good thing too as I damn near passed out. Not only did my shoulder hurt, I was so out of breath it wasn't funny! I had to get some draws from my puffer after that. Damn asthma.

But I persevered and the tree was sawed off, dragged off into the house and then ahhhhhhhh...the family tree was up! I had bought a new stand last week because I just couldn't face that same old butt ugly metal one I had since I got married. Its red and green, has four legs that sit under the band and if you don't get them all in just right when you put it together, the damn thing falls apart. So I bought a molded plastic one instead and it was the easiest thing...shove it in and turn the screws...and I did it alll by myself. The tree is indeed a handsome 7 footer...

I then cut the string holding it all together and praying that some critter wasn't going to crawl out of it...it had been sitting on the ground since Monday. But the branches gently fell, and the tree regained its beauty.

It was certainly different this year though, when I decorated. I have passed on to Amber all of her decorations that people have given her over the years, so I don't have them to trim the tree with anymore. I do have some favorites though, like the ones I made from photos one year into these double pyramid things that I just love. It looks different without her ornaments, but not terrible. I thought I would be sad, but oddly enough, I wasn't. She will have her own tree this year and can trim it with her decorations. Christmas has moved on and spread out to yet another generation. It seems like just yesterday she was crawling under the tree, looking for gifts with her name on it, or laying under it, looking up through the branches.

Where did the time go...

The Drive Home

I live about 18 kms away from where I work, so it takes me about 10-15 minutes to drive home each day, depending on road conditions and who finds there way in front of me. I have the drive broken up into three parts...there is the part from town to the local drug dealer's house; then there is the part from his house to the bridge where I turn onto my road, then there is my road...and its not until I make that turn that I finally leave work behind me...with a big sigh...

I wasn't sure how I would like the longer drive...I had previously lived in town and it took me literally about 1 minute or less to get home, depending on if I had to wait to cross the highway. And 15 minutes is certainly no real commute. Now I have come to look forward to it...it gives me that buffer between home and work. In the morning, I get prepared mentally for the day on the drive in, thinking about what I've got to get accomplished. Often times, if I'm early, I'll stop by the local Wal-Mart as I drive by it and browse for a few minutes, or pick something up. (I hear ya hoser, but live with it) Sometimes I stop by Tim Horton's aka Timmys or Tims to get a cappuchino.

Now that its near the longest nights of the year, I'm finding I don't like the drive as much as I did in the summer. I leave just after daylight and its always dark when I get home. I can't wait until the days begin to get longer again and I can drive home without my headlights on!

One irritant for sure is the lack of good local radio programming. You would think that when you drive home, they know you just need to relax, think about the day, and listen to some good music...well, not MY LOCAL RADIO STATION. They choose instead to assault you with ad after ad after terrible ad, with announcers screaming at you about everything from buying a car, to who died, to who has windows for sale, to who's coming to the Civic Centre next. Stop screaming at me already!!! Just give me something to sing along with on the drive home. Is that too much to ask? CBC Radio looks better and better all the time, except at 5pm they talk for 30 minutes or more about news...yuck. Not the end I want to my day. So I resort to my cds. Now, for anyone who spends a lot of time in their car like I do in my job, usually 1500kms a month or more, not counting my commute, you have listened to every cd you own a hundred times or more this year. And now that I am out in hickville without high speed internet, I can't even download more music to make new cds. I have even gotten too lazy to change them very often, as they all start to sound alike...I think The Doors has been in there for a week or more now...come on, baby...light my fire...

The Chosen Boots

I've been in denial for many years now...not to buy winter boots because I didn't NEED them...I bought a pair when I first moved to Waterloo many moons ago (1997) and they were the biggest waste of $120 I had ever spent...those f-ing boots gave me more blisters, I could hardly get my ankle through them because the tongue is sewn up, etc...I just HATED them. So I fought getting boots ever since then...and here I am, many years later, many days of wet and cold feet later, contemplating buying boots. And now that I'm a grown up, I need to consider nice enough boots to wear with my skirts...I got away with hikers the past few years, but now my skirts are getting dressier, and I need something else. So I spotted my friend Mel's boots, which are the latest "shearling boot" except not genuine sheep inside, just suede outside. Which is fine with me because I figure the real sheep will be more expensive. What I didn't expect was how MUCH more expensive.

I live in a small town, so we are lucky that we even have a Wal-Mart, which is usually the first place I head...I am so cheap about some things...And alas, they have very few boots to pick from and they are ALL black, and the closest is granny boots with fun fur at the cuff of the boot...great. Now WHAT? So I head over to Bargain Giant...NOTHING there. So I look at the ONE shoe store in town...no boots to speak of really and the sales girl was too busy chatting with friends to even inquire if I needed help.

Then I went to Sears and the shearling boots were on the cover...great, how much are they? $199.99, on sale for $99.99...holy F***!!!So I paw through all the catalogues there, only to find that all boots that even resemble the shearling boots are $99 and up...dammit.

So I gave up yesterday.

Today I just wandered over to the mall after work and a drink out at the tavern and lo and behold, I spotted Marks Workwear House, where I had bought my new hikers earlier this year before heading to central America. And GAZOOKS! There in front of me was the coveted shearling boot!!! And the price was $69.99 marked down to $48.99. The outside is genuine suede, and then man made sheepskin inside. So I tried them on, wonderful, great, lets pay for them and the sales gal rung them in at $39.99, but described as two-zip black boots, and she couldn't ring them in to say anything else...so she had to give them to me for that price...whoo hoo! I wasn't going to be the one to suggest taking ANOTHER pair and trying that tag...so I left, happily with my boots!

One Year Has Passed!

Well holy hell...its been a year since I first began blogging...I don't know how many posts I've written as blogger has not been updating their stats lately...server issues. But I posted for the first time on December 4, 2003...and the posts for the longest time were all about the snow...thankfully this year, same time, we don't have any yet...and I haven't had to shovel...whoo hoo! Not to say we won't get some tonight as it was cold and kind of snowy today, but no real accumulation.

So what a year it has been...I did move out of the zone of nothingness thrown at the side of the highway, aka Port Hawkesbury...but not far. And I didn't change jobs, but had the opportunity! The resident teenager did indeed move out and begin university, after finishing high school. And I did travel safely through Central America...where to go the next time...

So congratulations readers...many of you have hung in there for over a year!

Haunted Cane

Ok, as many of you know, I buy and sell a little on e-bay...no big stuff, just to make enough money to cover my own purchases now and then. And THEN you see these kinds of listings...

Ghost Cane - Free shipping!

Thanks to my friend Susan who sent me a message about it...and in that message is just $85...now the bid is at $8100!!! It takes all kinds...

How to Shower

I got this from my friend, A...and just HAD to share, it was so funny!

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Now each is very involved, but very different...heh heh

Household Chores

I hate them. And after living without a partner for the past 6 years, I hate them even more. Actually, even when he WAS there, he wasn't as he worked away for 6 months of each year, so I had to do them myself then too. Things like fixing the pot handles on my kitchen pots, or putting up the plastic on the windows, or putting up the Christmas lights, or washing the car...those kinds of things. No real big deal, but it sure was nice to share those chores with someone. Most of them I can actually do, which some gals choose not to do, or don't do very well. Its just that sometimes, I hate to admit it, but I would rather a male partner just did them. Its not the same if I have to ask. It sure would be nice for someone else to just DO things around the house. I may have a roommate, but I basically live alone. She's away half of the week, and I don't know that she would know how to, or be able to do those chores.

Sigh. I think I am just lonely for a partner. And after all those years while I was married, swearing I would never get married again (not that having a partner means getting married). I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life...there are a lot of years ahead (I'm just 37) and I don't relish spending them by myself.

So who wants to come and hang my Christmas lights?

That HURTS!

My hot water seems to have three temperatures...HOT, SCALDING HOT, and INFERNO HOT. Today I burned myself, AGAIN. I have an oil/hot water furnace, and the temperature on the hot water appears to be rather HOT. I have gotten it turned down to the lowest setting, but it isn't as easy as a thermostat on an electric or gas heater...the water in this particular hot water tank is BOILED. Even when you turn the cold water on after the hot has been in there, it takes a minute to clear it out, and GOD HELP YOU IF YOU FORGET! Which is what happened to me today. THAT HURTS!

Suffering Severe Withdrawal

from high speed internet that is...I am so f-ing frustrated with the internet service currently offered in my area by the local phone company. Since I moved out into the country, high speed is not available from them, just dial-up. And suddenly its 1995 again and I'm on my Packard Bell 486. I don't understand how they can charge me for this crappy dial-up. It takes forever just to download mail, and excrucitating if someone sends me a bunch of photos or some stupid foward junk. Then there's trying to open my browser and read the news...well, lets just say I play several games of solitaire waiting for it to download...I don't think it was any slower when I had my old computer and a 1200 kbps modem...now I log in at either 24, or 26.4...very sad indeed. Bidding on e-bay is disappointing...I lost out on a Christmas gift this morning because I couldn't load the page!!!

So I called them last week, whining about it. First I had tried looking into switching to AOL and drop the phone company's internet...but then AOL tells me they only have servers in two cities in NS and neither of them are in my calling area. Not the end of the world...I have unlimited long-distance after 6pm and all weekend, which is when I mostly use the internet...So I call the phone company to see if it covers modem/fax usage too, and it does...only one problem though...if I drop the internet plan with them, I lose my unlimited long-distance because that plan doesn't exist anymore...GREAT, just F-ING great. Now I am stuck with them...

So back to the whining part, well they set me up with a dialing string that should help things with my particular modem...some improvement, but it doesn't last. This morning it almost came to a halt entirely. So I called them up again. Missy gets me to read off EVERYTHING in my add/remove programs list...which took forever, and I didn't know WTF she needed that for...then I realized she is looking for spy ware...instead of just ASKING ME IF I HAD ANY ON THERE. Ok, so treat me like an idiot...whatever...she gets me to delete my internet connection and make a new one. And tells me to enter my login and password...hell, I don't know what it is now!!! I have changed my friggin phone number that often I don't remember what it was because it was tied to my old e-mail address, and one of my phone numbers, but which one, and when did it change? So she put me on hold when I told her that...10 minutes DRAG by and no one comes to the phone...so I hung up, tried what I thought was the login and password and finally got it. Still not working!!! Alright, call back, talk to some young guy who gets my anger...ok ma'am, can we look at the add/remove programs list....NO!!! So I explain to him what had been done already and could we MOVE ON PLEASE...my anxiety is apparently still high...so he says that's all he can suggest for me...so I proceed to inform him that there were other options last week, what's the problem...they told me last week to call back and they had lots of other things to try...so he asks if he can put me on hold...another blast - only if you're not going to dump me here, like missy already did...I heard a sigh...then hold please - click. He was only gone for 3 minutes (timed of course) and when he came back, lo and hold, he had something else for me to try in DOS. Which we did, I said thanks, he said "Thank-you for choosing Aliant" - CLICK! And it didn't work...so then I just left it...maybe it was a network problem, so I went for the stones and when I got back...its working, barely. So, I don't know...more prowling on the net for an internet provider...

sniff...I miss high-speed...

And There I Was With Stones Between My Toes

That's right, stones between my toes...I went for a healing stone massage this morning and it was GREAT! Very different though for me. I had only ever had the traditional back/neck/shoulders massage. This began with me laying back on several hot flat stones, and then she placed flat ones beneath my shoulders, some rounder ones on my cheeks and between my eyes, one on my belly, one on each hip, and one beneath each of my hands. Oh, and one beneath each of my knees. Then she massaged my feet, and when she was done, she put stones between my toes. Then she moved on to the rest of the body, which was regular massage, only with a stone, and at different times, she added or took away hot stones. I feel very fluid right now... and it's not alcohol induced, lol. The whole thing took about 90 minutes, and was well worth it.

And for another episode of non-traditional treatment...Amber was to the doctor yesterday about her anxiety/stress issue and he put pins in her ears. I hadn't really heard much about it and she hadn't heard anything, so when she told me, we were both wondering a little. Perhaps that had more to do with the 20 minute sermon he gave her about finding God and Jehovah's Witness...followed by the pins in her ears. Apparently it is some type of acupuncture that will help with energy and stress. We'll see...she has already taken on of them out because it hurt. Anyhow, it doesn't hurt to come out of the bubble once in a while.

Time to find Peace

now today was a better day...still stressful, lots of stuff to do at work and a busy day, but no crying or falling apart. it was all about GETTING THE JOB DONE. so I can take my time off guilt free (if there is such a thing). I didn't get all the time I was looking for because of stuff at work. Most people think they are indispensable and aren't really, but in this job, sometimes you have certain responsibilities that have your name on it and aren't transferable. Our agency has made a decision to pursue a court action against a family, and I am the agent (name who goes on the affidavit) and HAVE to finish the affidavit by Monday, and then be in court on Thursday. No one else can do it because I am the caseworker with all the information and it is my assessment that we are basing the court application on. So there, just when I try to get some time off, I am SUCKED BACK INTO THE VORTEX. If I absolutely pressed them, I could just take sick time and tell them I am not available, and legally, there wouldn't be anything they could do. However, that would be career sabotage I think so I will simply take some time off around this pesky court thing.

I was able to get through the day just knowing I would be getting some time for me this week. So now that I am home...WHAT A RELIEF!!! And many have asked, ok, what are you going to do for you? Well, we got a flyer in the mail the other day about swedish healing massage and dammit, I'm going to sign me up for one this week. This local gal is offering 90 minutes of healing stone massage for just $40. How can I pass it up???

So there, that's the update, no cracker crumbs today...

Losing My Grip

Well, its happened...I am finally losing my grip. At work, at home, in my mind, in my body...you name it. I fell apart at work today. I tried to hide it best I could and only crumpled in the office of my supervisor with another co-worker present. Then I scurried back to my own office, which I am not currently sharing - office mate has moved out to her own, just waiting for her replacement. In my office, I put a sign on my door to leave me the fuck alone (actually, it said Think about why you are coming in) and fell apart again. If I stayed focused on work, I wasn't too bad, but as soon as I took a break...the cheese began to slip. Oh the tissues I used up...and the sahara that soon inhabited my contact lenses...

I have never been in this state, ever. It is hell. So I realized that I have to take some time off. How can I be there for my clients if I can't even be there for me? I'm going to start tomorrow afternoon after I take care of a couple of work related things that cannot wait, and stay off until at least Tuesday. Honestly, I don't even want to go back. Its not the job, its me. My caseload isn't even that high. I just don't want to be a social worker anymore. I don't even want to be me anymore.

Now before those that know me all run to the crisis line, I'm basically fine and have no plans to off myself, but I can certainly understand how my clients get to that point. Its a feeling of pure and utter helplessness. I think I know how "I" got to this point. I have been everything to everybody for so long, or at least have tried to that I just don't have anything left for me at the end of the day. I've always been the good listener, the one people turn to for help, with their problems, big or small. And certainly I hear lots of problems from clients too. Problem solving is my job. I am just out of solutions right now.

So if I don't want to be a social worker anymore, what do I want to do with my life? I know this isn't the time for making big decisions, so I won't, but I do intend on checking some things out. Like writing for example. I have always wanted to be a published writer. I have long pictured myself sitting in a cabin in the woods, churning out a book or two a year on various topics, travelling the world from time to time to research them. Perhaps I'm at THAT time in my life where I need to do something just for ME. Something I want to do that no one would ever expect me to do. I have always been so RESPONSIBLE, all of my DAMN life. I'm sick of it.

Wanna know what my biggest issue is? Who takes care of me? When all is said and done, and others have unloaded their problems, who the hell takes care of me?

The Beatles

Have I said before how much I like The Beatles? I'm a huge fan...not a maniacal fan, like one who saves dryer lint, or has every image every taken of them. I just like them. And I recently bought The Beatles Anthology on VHS off e-bay and have been watching it this past week.

I don't know when I have been this happy watching videotape. Honestly, I have a smile pasted on my face the entire time I have the tape on, and have to watch every frame. Ordinarily I'll knit, or do something else while watching a movie (the multi-tasker in me) but not with this. I am focused entirely. It is the first movie/mini-series that seems honest and real. If you haven't seen it before, it is a series that was first aired on television in 1996 I think and involved the three remaining Beatles - Paul, George and Ringo. They were interviewed extensively for it, and provided much of the footage they clipped together. The whole series is a chronological story of The Beatles, with tons of musical footage from shows and concerts and numerous interviews and since you can't have a series about The Beatles without John, they have clipped in past interviews with him when relevant to the topic, usually with every single story they talk about, so that it seems like he was right there with the other three as the movie was made.

Its just awesome, and I got it for a steal on e-bay, just $9.99US. It is available on DVD for a much higher price, but I was just happy to have what I bought. What I have been enjoying most about it was seeing how very happy John was back then, during the early years. I've fallen in love with him all over again! He was so goofy and funny, and so very talented. Oh John...why did you have to die so soon?

I remember the day that he was shot. It was December 8, 1980. I was in Stephenville, and the radio was on, and the announcement came over the radio. I could't believe that someone would do that, and I had been listening to his solo music for a few years by then, and was just devastated. Damn you Mark David Chapman.

So when I watch this movie, I am taken back to a time when everything was groovy, and the boys were the best of friends, which they say in the movie that they really were, really good friends, especially John and Paul. I've never seen all their own movies either, but would love to. Maybe that's my next buy on e-bay...

I miss you John!

Girls Day Sucked

Well, that was a bomber of an idea. As you know, I have been having Girl's Day for about a year now. They started as a way for me to teach some of the gals from work how to knit. Then we started bringing snacks and movies and then we just expanded it to include anyone who wanted to come, from work or otherwise and everyone to bring snacks and crafts. We were also not to be chatting about work, as we are prone to. It was a day off from everything. Some of them were rather busy, with 9-10 gals there, while others were quieter, with just 3-4 of us. Well, today there was just K. and I. And I have to say, I am rather disappointed. I had sent out the invite some weeks ago, and I guess I should have known then, no one would remember it. But the this week we all chatted about it, and I had responses from about 6 people that were coming for sure, while others were less commital. Well, only one showed up. Great. I came home early from Ingonish, and whipped through some baking and creating for today, rearranged all the furniture, bought more food, and all for just the two of us. I even made a cheese ball...and I don't make them for just anyone! And the worst is, no one called me to say they couldn't come, or weren't coming, or got busy, changed their minds. I know I recently changed my number, but I SENT IT TO THEM. So there are no excuses for the behaviour. They just didn't show up.

I don't know if I'll bother trying to organize another one...phoohey on them all, I say.

but I did get a number of pages done for my scrapbook, and we watched a couple of movies - Shrek 2 and Riding in Cars With Boys. And now I have lots of snacks, and leftovers.

Naughty girls...

Sunday Morning Musings

Another girls days is upon us...food, movies, games, crafts, liquor and no talk of work! They usually begin dribbling in about noon and stay often until 8pm or so, but tonight I have a few sleepovers, so they don't have to watch what they drink. Responsible drinkers, I like that.

My tv remote is working again...I had been sitting in my favorite chair, with my feet bubbling away in my foot bath, when I bent over to check on them and it slipped right into the bath...I was so shocked, it was a moment before I plucked it out thinking, that can't be good. So I picked it up, the water drained out of it, and I laid it out to dry for a few days...and lo and behold, its working again! go figure...its covered by my extended warranty from Future Shop, so I wouldn't have been totally lost. Those universal remotes can only do so much. This one changes the input source, and I might not be able to do that on a universal remote.

I made cookies yesterday, and bribed my next door neighbor, Maxine, to cut up some table legs for me this morning. I have an old (but not antique) wooden dining table that I want to cut the legs short on in order to make it into a coffee table for doing crafts on in the living room. A few of the girls love their scrapbooking (of which I partake from time to time) and this is our solution to them working on the floor all the time (where I trip over it or step on it).

The non-resident teen is struggling again...for some reason, she doesn't know the meaning of life...lol. Ahhhhh...she is so young yet. She wants her life to have a specific direction, her degree to be for something in particular, for her boyfriend to talk to her more, to have more time to herself, and so on. After two and a half hours on the phone, we have discovered a possible path in life that she might be satisfied with. She is interested in Spanish, and travel, so we are thinking about possibly working for an embassy somewhere in a spanish speaking country. She also loves to write, to learn more languages and meet new people. I remember the days...wandering through your degree and not knowing what you're going to do with it at the end...my theory is just do the courses that interest you within the contrains of a particular major and requirements and HAVE FUN AT IT!!!

Then I told her that I have three degrees and I STILL don't have definite direction in my life. I struggle all the time with my career...where am I going next, what am I going to do, and do I have to do something next...why can't I just stay in this job. Where will I go, and why?

Okay, I just can't solve the meaning of life this morning...so lets move on to breakfast...

ramblings and musings

Just a little of everything tonight, now that I know I am limbo...lol. Its pissing rain here and I am SO HAPPY about that. Why? Because you don't have to SHOVEL rain. The more it rains, the less it snows. I hope it rains all winter.

And then there was the time I dropped the fish food. Big canister of flakes, lost half of it on the floor, the fish tank, the stand, the couch, the blanket on my knitting basket...everywhere. The cat went nuts, tried to walk through it all. Then I hauled out old bessie...the vacuum cleaner. She wasn't long hittin' the road then.

Went out for a few drinks with the gals from the office...oh yeah, and Mike, our token male social worker. We had a few birthdays to celebrate, so that was fun. Ate more than I should have, but what the hell else is new...

Survivor is on again tonight...yeahhhh! I have already lost the pool, but thats okay, its still fun to watch...as was the Amazing Race on Tuesday night. People just love to act stupid on national television. And I just love to watch them do that.

Got my first Christmas card today...well holy shit. Now I have to actually do something about my newsletter. I have it written but have not yet sent any out. Many are going by e-mail, and people can print their own if they like. The pics just look better online, and I have a bunch of pics in it this year. I have to scrounge around for some Christmas paper too, to print it on. My first card was from my aunt Thelma. She is getting up there in years but still manages to get out all her cards and write a couple of pages to me every year. I'll have to go see her the next time I'm up in Halifax. She used to work for the post office, so it might be a requirement or something to buy so many stamps each year to subsidize your pension, lol...

I miss the kid. As always. It doesn't hurt any less now that it did 5 months ago when she moved out. Okay, I gotta stop or I'll cry...

did I mention that its raining out?

Dante's Inferno Test

I always felt like I was in limbo... thanks Mads for another great quiz.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Stress Management

Well, I can certainly identify with the word STRESS. I have enough in my life, as do many people these days who try to cram everything in. Mine is mostly caused by work, as I knew it would, doing the work that I do. Sometimes its task oriented, meaning I just have too much to do...other times its WHAT I am doing that stresses me out, and I spend too much of my personal time thinking about it. So when someone sent me this today, I though, hmmm, I like that...so I'll share it here!

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour,I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.""So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don'tcarry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."

"Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning too thers.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to live in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Time Travel

Don't you wish you could travel through time? I often think about travelling backwards, to times and events that I missed out on. Like The Beatles. I REALLY wish I could have been there to see them in concert, you know, in their early years, like late 60's. I was just a toddler then, so didn't get to enjoy them much, although my mother did, somewhat, when she wasn't playing her twangy country music, like Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty. I'm watching The Beatles Anthology on VHS that I bought recently off e-bay and just loving every minute of it, wishing I had been there. Now there are only two members left and I have only recorded history to help me out.

I would also love to have been a flower child in the 60's and early 70's...peace, love, sex, drugs and rock and roll...sounds like utopia to me. I could totally see me living on a commune, and oh how I wish I could have been there for Woodstock in 1969, but again I was just a toddler...the music, the people, the sights, sounds and vibe...

Maybe I was just born 10 years too late...it seems I really only want to travel back to the 60's as a teenager. Far out.

Time For A Change

time for a new look, new color, the whole nine yards. So I changed the template for my blog...then I had to sort out all the customizations I had done in the past year. I can't quite get it to look like I want, but it looks good enough for now. Considering I didn't know anything about HTML before I began blogging, I think I'm doing pretty good!

now its back to REAL work...lunch is OVER!

Lasting Friendships

Are there any? When you move a lot, you tend to lose touch with them. You would think that in this day and age with the many methods of communication at your fingers, that no one would ever lose touch. But yet I have. Or should I say, they have. I speak to one friend from high school, and that's only a couple of times a year, if that. I don't talk to anyone else from any of my school years. We did first after I moved each time...an occasional letter, but that all faded away. I have rediscovered some friends from school through Classmates.com but after a couple of intro-catch-up messages, not another word. Although now I have found my way onto their mass mailing lists...harumph...

Even friends I met during university, which was just a few years ago, have faded away. Once in a while I get a phonecall from my old roomie, or my really good friend Nat, and I chat daily with my friend Steve. E-mail here and there from other uni friends. But I fear that once I move or change my e-mail, they will fade too.

Then there are the friends I have here. One moved to NWT and I hardly hear from her anymore. I know, things change, people move on, but it makes me think about something a co-worker said to me - our workplace has such a huge turnover that its hard investing time in a relationship with anyone if you know they will likely leave in a year or two. Why bother? So I ask myself the same thing...do I really want to invest time, energy and emotion in these friends I have made here? Will they even remember me after I move on next year? How long will I last in their address book, or they in mine?

I've often envied those who grow up in the same town and continue to work and make their life there. They are the ones who seem to have lasting friendships, people they went to kindergarten with. That is impossible for me...even if I found someone I went to kindergarten with, that was also the last time I saw them. I don't have a "best friend" although my friend Nat and I are very close, we have grown apart these last few years since we both moved away from our university town where we met. Now, we can still call one another up and the missing months melt away, but I don't know when I'll ever see her again, or when the last phonecall from her might just be, the last phonecall before we lose touch.

Its sad really. But what to do? I hate saying good-byes, but do I just not make any more close friends for fear of losing them? I don't think that's the answer...it makes for a very lonely life. Maybe it just makes for a large network of friends throughout the world?

My Newfoundland Heritage

just in case anyone read the last post and wondered - what the hell? I do have a rich Newfoundland heritage...I lived there for over 20 years, my father is a Newfie(and all his family before him), my ex-husband is one, and I borne my daughter there. I still own a house there, and my parents have retired there. Give me a few drinks and I'll even sound like one. And I kissed that GD codfish.

Just so you know... :-)

I AM A NEWFOUNDLANDER

First off, WE INVENTED RANTING long before there was MOLSON CANADIAN, or even the MONTREAL CANADIENS.

I am not UNEMPLOYED, but I know people who are. Some of them may be related through marriage, but they WEREN'T RELATED BEFORE THEN.

I hate the SMELL, TASTE, and TEXTURE AND SIGHT OF FISH. I don't fish, my father didn't fish, my grandfather probably did, and I KNOW his father DEFINITELY DID... BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FARM A GODDAMNED ROCK! If I do happen to eat FISH, it's going to be bloody well COOKED. None of this raw sushi shit they serve in restaurants. We call that BAIT!!!

Our best export is our PEOPLE.

Newfoundlanders are the only people who use the name "JESUS" as an adjective. As in, "LOOK BYE, HAND ME THAT "JESUS" HAMMER WILL YA?"

Our weather embraces DIVERSITY. It is the only place where you can both swim and ice-fish all within the same day, in the same water.

I have RUNNING WATER. I don't shit outdoors except when the Main-landers come from away and want to go out in the woods as if it's PLEASURABLE.

Drinking fine wine and finer RUM is PLEASURABLE. Sex is PLEASURABLE. Getting EATEN ALIVE by "Vampire" mosquitos that have numbers on their sides is NOT.

Newfoundland is a PROVINCE. It is not a TOWN, VILLAGE, CITY, PARISH or HAMLET. I don't know everybody who was BORN, REARED, SCHOOLED, STAYED, LEFT OR DIED HERE. Some I'm sure were NICE and I'm SORRY for not having met them. Some I'm sure were SONS of BITCHES and for not having crossed paths, we're all better off.

It's ST. JOHN'S, not SAINT JOHN. That's in New Brunswick and they rant differently there. It's their accent.

It's pronounced New-fin-LAND, NOT New-FOUND-land. Do you pronounce it ONTA-rio, or KWEE-BECK?

I don't drink much COFFEE. I drink TEA for BREAKFAST, TEA for DINNER and TEA for SUPPER. Oh, by the way, LUNCH we don't DO. We eat DINNER in the middle of the day and SUPPER.. well, at SUPPERTIME.

We don't have SKUNKS or SNAKES... at least not in the woods. Plenty of them in government though, and most come from away.

An EXPERT is always some BASTARD that came through the Narrows. That's the gap in the north and south side of St. John's Harbour that leads to and from the North Atlantic... the most inhospitable place on the "JESUS" planet outside of OTTAWA.

We DRINK Blue Star Ale, Dominion Ale, India Pale Ale, Black Horse Beer and RUM. Any kind, as long as it's DARK. See, we traded OUR salted FISH to Jamaica for THEIR RUM... who says Newfoundlanders aren't very smart?

We were Britain's OLDEST colony and are Canada's NEWEST province. Our GDP hasn't changed a bit.

We don't have COTTAGES ON THE LAKE. We have CABINS ON THE POND. A POND is a body of water... a LAKE is a "hole in yer boot."

We have a wonderful sense of HUMOUR... until we feel we're being made fun of. Then we have a wonderful sense of REVENGE.

A Newfoundlander as a friend, is a friend for life. Have one as an ENEMY... and you'll start CURSING your own mother for having given you birth.

We have more SEX than anyone... at least that's what we tell Main-landers who survey such shit. We have to... everyone gets told there's only two things to do in Newfoundland, FISH or ----, and as I said, I don't FISH.

Soap comes in CAKES, not BARS. Chocolate comes in BARS and so does the occasional BLONDE.

Speaking of BARS, we call them PUBS and we've got LOTS. More than anywhere else in Canada. All of them serve RUM. They have to. IT'S THE LAW.

Besides, they have to Screech in the MAINLANDERS, who in order to gain honorary citizenship in Newfoundland, down a JIGGER (that's a shot glass) of Famous Newfoundland Screech (that's a dark RUM), then kiss a codfish on the LIPS (that's in the front of its face). Many line up to do this... all Mainlanders of course. That's cause no self respecting Newfoundlander would dare kiss a codfish... in some outports, he'd have to marry it!

TOWNIES are from St. John's. Everyone else is a BAYMAN. Except a BLEEP BLEEPING BAYMAN... that's yer NEIGHBOUR!

Oh yeah, did I tell you I don't FISH?... but I know what FISH is... it's COD. Anytime a Newfoundlander refers to FISH he means COD. If he's referring to salmon, or herring, or halibut... HE'LL CALL THE GODDAMNED THING SALMON, OR HERRING, OR HALIBUT.

We like MUSIC... as long as you can dance to it. Except the Pentecostals on the Central Coast. They don't DANCE or DRINK... but they have lots of youngsters... you see they don't FISH either.

That wraps it up.

So, now you know. Newfoundland has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. But there are only two types of people in the world....people who aren't from NEWFOUNDLAND and those FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE.

How Much Are You Worth?

Found this site though Steppe's blog...apparently I'm worth LESS than she is! Wahhhh...

I'm worth $1,658,759.21! How much are you worth?

Around the World in Three Years

I am insanely jealous of these people. To travel for three years, going wherever you please (within the restraints of your budget) and the amazing tales they have of the places they have been. If anything, this site is a great resource for anyone planning a backpacking adventure to any of the countries they have been. Thanks again Madley, for another great idea!

Now my feet itch again...

What Kind Of Blogger Are You?

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What kind of blogger are you?

Idea stolen from the Hairy Hoser's Blog...but they captured my true essence...yeah, right. Funny how the first question was about political blogging...because that's all I could find for the last two months was Americans rambling on about the election when using Next Blog...either that or Blogs from Central or South America. I don't know that Canadians ramble so much about politics. But I do know that it interests me about as much as the hairball under my bed.

And Then There Is The Noise

I work in a building that is currently under renovations. The previous tenants in the floor below me have moved out to a brand new Civic Centre and the future tenants need a different kind of space. So they have decided to do some destruction and construction in the space available below me. I can understand that, but I didn't realize it would involve all this POUNDING, BANGING, and POISONOUS STENCH. They are removing all of the interior walls, which are brick, so they pound and bang with sledgehammers, and cut the metal parts with a grinder, which stinks to high heavens like something electrical burning. Then they will have to hammer into place all of those metal uprights for the new walls.

Kill me now. My desk has been vibrating for days. I have a permanent headache. And my asthma is acting up, due to the cloud of filth that is seeping out of the construction area...probably through the open windows and doors...How can they expect us to do the work that we do with all that RACKET??? I work as a child protection worker, so faced with some pretty important decisions.

Yesterday it got to be too much by noon so I took off and went shopping. Now, it wasn't for me, it was for the Christmas Sponsorship Program we run out of there too. I had $900 to spend on 6 kids ($150 each) so off to Wal-Mart I went, GLADLY. I was hoping it would be fairly quiet, as it was during school hours, but I was wrong. Apparently there is an inservice at some of the local schools, so there were plenty of kids at Wal-Mart...in the section I needed to be in too, TOYS. But their noise was nothing compared to the pounding and banging, so two hours later, I emerged with two shopping carts full and returned to the noisy building.

Then our upstairs neighbors made the mistake of pissing me off. Our offices are located in a building that used to be all residence rooms for the local Nautical College...now they only house them on the third floor. I understand that they have a right to live in their rooms, but they have been told before about playing the headbanger music at top notch during our business hours. So when I returned to my office and the first thing I heard was bass, I was stomping off upstairs to have a chat. I spoke to the security guard, who is the meekest little man who asserts very little authority. He used to guard our floor before we had our own reconstruction last year that placed us behind locked doors. Now he guards upstairs...mostly to see that they don't destroy the building. I told him that if this young person does not turn down the music, I am taking the stereo and pitching it out through the upstairs window. So superguard Ron tells me who the culprit is and asks me to complain a little louder so that said culprit can hear me complain, because when he tells them, they don't really believe that the music is too loud. I inform superguard Ron that I can do one better, I'm going to tell him in person...point him out and I'm there. Ron the superguard and I walk down the hall, towards the culprit who isn't even in his room, but down the hall farther. Hence the music needing to be so loud. I informed him that my office was directly below and that I would like it if he could turn the music down. He asked why and I informed him I heard enough pounding below me, I certainly don't need it above me. We're gone at 4:30pm, so after that, play what you like but until then, can it. Surprisingly enough, he complies and immediately turns down the music.

Finally, some peace and quiet. The pounding below me has stopped. The pounding above me has stopped. Too bad the pounding in my head has not stopped.

I hope they are finished soon, but that is highly unlikely...I heard February...

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM DOING IT AGAIN

I can’t believe it, but I have to change my phone number YET again. The calls for Trevor just don’t stop. I checked on my phone and there was a consistent caller from a particular number….6 times this week so to hell with it, I called it and it was Trevor’s mom. Yup, she had been looking for him. "Sorry, I called your number by mistake". 6 F-ing times??? Not to mention all those other times she called from the hospital. Nice to know you're home though. We did actually have a nice chat about Trevor. He's 22.

And THEN, as if Trevor’s calls weren’t annoying enough, I have discovered that the local movie store, Movie Gallery has a very similar number - same numbers, two are reversed. I have only answered a couple of calls for Movie Gallery, but I have notices a bunch of calls from names I don’t recognize, and considering my number is unlisted and I have hardly given this one out yet, I didn’t understand how I could have so many. Now I know. They were all calling Movie Gallery.

Then I was talking to a friend tonight who said he actually knew Trevor and that he was a drug dealer, and lots of those calls might be for him, people looking for drugs…that explains why I saw one of my client’s names on my phone…DAMMIT!

So, tomorrow I am changing my number, AGAIN. This will be my fourth number this year. I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it.

Snowless in Cape Breton

well, I made it home in one piece. And managed to leave ALL of the snow behind. I drove though some though, it was storming something awful part of the way. There was still a fair bit in Halifax, and the closer I got to Truro, the more snow there was, up over the guardrails and all. Then I passed through New Glasgow and wondered if they got any snow at all..and Cape Breton is dry. And here I was worried about having to shovel out my driveway, heh heh. silly girl. that comes later.

Got home and the poor kitty, ate all her food, even the extra and went after the fish food, but couldn't get it open. I can only imagine the frustration...and how lucky those fish are to still be alive...thankfully I wasn't gone longer than I was...guess that extra day was just too much for her!

I managed to spend too much money again in Halifax, as per usual. What is it with the city...you go into a store to buy a spool of thread and come out with a fridge...(not that I did..just an example).

The Amazing Race starts again this week...I'm so excited!!!! I just love watching OTHER people race through countries. It looks to be an exciting season too, from the website and previews.

Anyone catch the American Music Awards last night? WELL HOLY F***. I damn near died laughing at Anna Nicole Smith. She was completely bombed, toasted and left for drunk...I still don't know what the hell she was talking about. I'd love to see it in rerun, and can imagine it will tonight on the entertainment news...also, Uncle Cracker appeared to be under the influence of something, and left his singing partner fumbling for words that he seemed to have forgotten...I think they all had some of Snoop Dogg's $100 brownies...those that Bobby Brown didn't eat, anyhow...

Ahhh, good to be home again.

Still driving after all this snow

Ah, it wasn't as bad as all that for us...we still have power, although the reports from outside the province say we don't. We were out shopping and had lunch at Pogue Fodo (an Irish Pub) yesterday, in downtown Halifax. We saw some snow, but it wasn't too bad and the power was on. Now, as you move out of town, the power is out in places and there is more snow. We visited relatives in Hammonds Plains and they had lost power at 2am yesterday morning.

We'll see how things change and I head back to the island today after a work appointment downtown...stay tuned...

The More Things Change...

the more they stay the same...by the time we got ourselves together today to head out, it was storming snow so we opted NOT to tramp around downtown and took the car up to Bayer's Lake instead. Which we are so glad we did. The weather just got worse as the day wore on, with snow piling up, and beating into us each store we came out of, which would have been miserable to walk about downtown in. And stupid me, went out in sandals...brrrr...I have dye all over my feet from the snow melt on my leathers.

ANYHOW, thanks to K., I did find a very nice scapbooking store in Bayer's Lake, and managed to get out of there with less than $50 worth...sheesh...I only went in for some paper and a set of blue lettering...after I bored the poor child with that, we went to get something delicious to eat at Montana's, which was just awesome. We made a few stops after that at the ever present Wal-Mart, Dollarama, and a visit to the pet store. Then we took in a movie...

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Well, let me tell you...we saw Ladder 49 with John Travolta and Joaquin Phoenix. I don't want to spoil it for anyone, so don't read on from here if you haven't seen it yet...but what a wonderful and tearjerking movie. I was literally sobbing out loud, it was so well acted. You felt like you were right there with them, through all the triumph and tragedy. I won't say how it ended just in case you ignored my warning and read on anyhow, but if you see one movie this fall, and enjoy John Travolta, GO SEE this movie. I will be buying it for sure, when its released on video. And I haven't felt like that in ages about a movie.

So after the movie, we went all over town to look for some thread to finish my quilt with, and finally found it at Atlantic Fabrics right behind the kid's apartment building...go figure. Of course, I bought more scrapbooking stuff there too...

Now we're in for the night, snacks are bought, and curling up in the living room to watch some Saturday night television, while the rain and snow sort themselves out. With any luck, it will be all gone by the time I go home again tomorrow.

Saturday with My Kid

I've landed, gone ashore in Halifax, lol. I rooted her out of bed and told her we had a full day ahead of us. We're taking a pass on the malls...gawd, its a city thing to forget about the downtown area and take the easy route to the malls. In Kitchener-Waterloo where we used to live, the downtown area sucked big time, so we always went to the malls. Here in Halifax, its GREAT! So we're heading down to shop for the day, taking the bus so we don't have to find somewhere to park or have to WALK BACK to the car, wherever it may be. I haven't ridden the bus since I moved away from K-W. Cool. I'm hoping we'll have a great day, and not too stressful. I hear we're supposed to get a big snowstorm today, so hopefully it holds off until we are finished walking around!

I went shopping last night, as I arrived here early and the younguns weren't off work yet, and I still have not gotten a copy of the apartment key...something we have to try to remember to get that done today. I bought a beautiful subtle purple top, loose, flowing and very thin cotton. Then Amber told me it looked just like the drapes I bought at the dollar store a few years ago. Sad thing is, she's right. Maybe I'll make a skirt out of the drapes to match.

I also bought one of those flip-chairs for the kids...self-serving of course. I just can't sleep on that damn leather loveseat anymore...squeak, squeak with every turn. And then there's the sweating on the leather...so the flip chair was quite comfy last night on the floor...just thick enough that my hips are still loving me today, and wide enough that my ass didn't hang over the edge (I heard that snicker). So, the kid is just about ready, lets get this day started!

Much Needed Mommy Daughter Time

I'm all packed for my weekend in Halifax for some much needed mommy-daughter time. After yesterday's endless meltdown over academic papers again, it will be good to spend some quality time together, doing fun stuff. She managed to get all of her papers completed so we will hopefully have fun this weekend. I hate the 3 hour drive there, especially alone, so have to be sure to bring some good CDs in the car as the radio SUCKS ASS. I wish I could get one of those sattelite radios for my car as I just love my sattelite music stations at home.

We're hoping to take in the new Bridget Jones movie, unless something else catches our eye. We also plan on scoping the malls for Christmas presents as well, and go out for dinner somewhere different.

So, I should really get the lead out and get to work...the quicker I get through this day, the better...Once again I am alone in my team, so anything could happen and I have to deal with it.

And Yet Another GREAT Idea from Madley

Thanks Madley, for yet another great idea. A Poll! I didn't even consider that you could post one on a blog, but like my new friend, Madley, I might even attempt to change it once a week or two. I'll accept suggested polls too. Look to the left under my ads (I hope) and you should find the poll.

The Nine Lives of the Resident Cat

Well, she tried to use up one of them tonight by catching herself on fire. Stupid cat. I am sitting here in my computer room/spare room/Amber's room and because the bulb burnt out in the lamp and I hate overhead lights, I have a couple of candles lit and sitting on the desk. Now, candles are not NEW to this feline, but apparently she has forgotten their flame like qualities. She has a habit of jumping up on my desk all the time, and parking her ass in front of the monitor to watch what I'm doing, or play with the mouse onscreen. Which irritates me sometimes, but I'm usually tolerant. But today, she decided to push her luck and jumped up right next to the candles. Now, her fur is longish and it wasn't long before I could smell burning fur and she wouldn't get down. I yelled at her, but didn't want to grab her because she might go up in a POOF! Finally she realized she was getting a little warm on the belly and jumped off...and as she did, there was smoke following her! So I chased her down to see just how bad she had burned herself, but she ran from me and gave me a dirty look like I had done that on purpose. Get over it feline. I grabbed her and surveyed the damage. Well, she is definitely scorched on the fur, but no burns on her skin. Now she's out licking off the curly ends of her fur. YUCK. I wonder if she learned that lesson?

poor kitty...

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

That was how my day began. I was wearing a long skirt (picture it, orange fabric with shiny satin inside...beautiful embroidered trim on the bottom...but it was probably too long. I was taking out the trash to my car, where I drive it to the bottom of my long driveway and then leave it for pick-up in an old freezer...you know the kind everyone in the country seems to have, that is, if they don't have an old oil tankwith a hole cut in it. Anyhow, there I was, in my orange skirt, bag of garbage in one hand, and over the right shoulder, my purse and lunch bag. In my right hand, my keys and a pack of gum for the car (I was out). Then it happened.

I stepped into the hem of my skirt after the first step...I knew I was going to fall. You kind of have that feeling. Like a train wreck in slow motion, I just knew it was going to hurt and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I landed on both knees (WHY, OH WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE F-ing KNEES???) and then subsequently fell over onto the bag of garbage...soft landing for my ass anyhow...not like it needs it. Then the pain set in. And the crying began. I was sure I had cracked open my knee cap this time, let me tell you. It went right past that sick to your stomach lurch you get when you give it a good crack on the coffee table and into serious pain. Holy Cow. now what. I've fallen and I can't get up. Here I am, out in the country that I thought would be so good for me and not a soul in sight. My neighbor Max is gone to work, and her husband has gone hunting, hours ago. My neighbor on the other side is an ailing old lady who sounds like she's gonna cough up a lung, and the others are too far to hear me! No one lives across the street from me, and my driveway is so long, even the garbage man wouldn't hear me.

Great. Now what in the hell was I going to do? I didn't even think about the CELL PHONE in my purse, next to me. I was in too much pain. But the pain eased up after about 10 minutes and I was finally able to pull myself up, stop screaming out and the crying had settled to a low whimper. My knees were both skinned over, with scrapes about five inches across on my right knee and just 2-3 inches on my left. And you can bet there will be a nice bruise on one or both of them. My friends, when they stop laughing, say I'm lucky I didn't hit my head. Yeah, that's luck. They don't know how hard my head is. Or big. It can take a helluva hit, more than my poor knees.

So off I hobbled into my car, garbage in tote. Of course, the temptation was to leave the damn garbage right where it was, but I didn't want little critters making a mess while I was gone. I dumped off the garbage at the end of the driveway and headed into work late. I did get some sympathy when I got there and people saw the size of my scrapes...once the laughing died down.

I saw my neighbor when I got home today and told her about it. She was very upset that she didn't get to see me fall. Thanks Max. I'll remember that the next time that horse of yours tosses your sorry ass on the ground, heh heh. Hope I'm there.

When does the clumsiness stop again? I have been clumsy my whole life. I'm ready to end it now. As you recall, I just healed up from my last fall, in front of the courthouse in September. Now I have fresh wounds to scar my poor battered legs.

whimper, whine...