Kitty Stress

Honestly, what in the HELL was I thinking to get a kitten. Sure they're cute. That's where it ends. They are also EVIL. Henry spends his day thinking of new ways to piss me off. Turns out he is very good at it. little mofo...

So here is the latest incident report:

• he thoroughly enjoys jumping up at posters, and scratching at the wall below them...I have no idea what this is about...particularly when he does it at 4am...
• we have longer days now, so he is up EARLY and in order to get my attention, LOVES to walk over everything on my nightstand, including the telephone and answering machine, causing them to go off - so at 5am I hear "please leave a message after the beep" or a nasty ass dial tone. If the tissue box is turned right side up, there is some digging going on until he destroys the tissues in the box
• playing the blinds like a piano is still popular...only the ones in the room I happen to be in count. And when it doesn't get my attention, he steps it up and tries to climb them...
• he ran off with all three of my beading dishes...they are just empty applesauce cups with tiny beads in them for a project...the beads are ALL OVER THE FUCKING CARPET and the beading cups were jammed under the couch. I will not be picking them up...that's what vacuums are for...cleaning up after idiot cats
• I can't have a plant or clipping from a plant anywhere in the apartment, except inside the cupboard. He has chewed every single plant down to the nub, often within minutes of me bringing it home.
• He won't stay off the counter top. It doesn't seem to matter HOW many times I yell and scream at him, spray him with water, flick water at him, shove him off the end, you name it. He will come right back up there.
• He loves to ROOT. Particularly when I am sleeping. He will root at the wires behind the dresser where my TV and VCR are, and especially loves to root at the underside of my bed. It used to be open and he climbed up in there, (he had ripped the fabric off the underside of the boxspring) but now I have a duvet cover covering my boxspring and he can't get at it. It doesn't stop him from trying...again, usually at 1am, or 5 am.
• He is a puker. He looks for a clean piece of carpet on which to hurl the insides of his stomach, just for my enjoyment.
• Doors are meant to be scratched at, not closed. Particularly at 4am...I closed the spare room door to keep out some light and limit the places he can root around in while I TRY to sleep. So instead he scratches at the door, endlessly...
• He keeps knocking down the little jars of kitty treats. I have no idea why. He turns his nose up at all of them and won't eat them when I give them to him. Stormy does not suffer from this problem. He will eat all of Henry's treats. Henry just looks at them and flops on the floor.
• He loves to chew plastic. Particularly the plastic on my heating pad. There are teeth marks on it all over. He doesn't even care if I am currently using it. He will lay down next to me and start munching. Pity he wouldn't get a little jolt one of these times...
• I cannot leave a drink standing ANYWHERE. He will seek it out like a missile, and drive his head down into the glass, knocking it over and spilling the drink on whatever is near, usually my computer or some paperwork.

Okay. I'm calmed again for now. I'm sure the neighbors think I'm killing someone here by the sound of the roars coming out of me sometimes. I hope they know I'm not yelling at a child, but an insolent kitten. I know he doesn't understand what I am saying...but I can guarantee you he knows that the tone is not warm and fuzzy.