This Road Has Breasts

Well, frost heaves at least...driving along for work today on my way to a client's home and there were two clear bumps in the road, looked just like a set of breasts, and were about 4-6 inches high...there were in the pavement of course, JICYI...

The roads in this province are nasty...pot holes everywhere and shoulders falling apart. The American tourists are apparently complaining that they won't come back to visit unless we pave the roads again....well fuck off then don't come. Its MY tax dollars that paves the roads here, and if they are to be improved upon, it will be for ME! Sure, you folks bring something to the economy here, but you also bring a lot of cheap shit with you so you won't have to buy it here, you drive a million campers on our crappy roads, making them worse and not paying to park them since you find yourselves in every Wal-Mart parking lot around and do not contirbute to the hotels and cabins, and cook your steak dinners at home, not contributing to the restaurants, buy up all the cheap land and then to add insult to injury, file for a Tax Refund for taxes paid in our country...the very taxes that contribute to our road condition...

So yeah, see if I care if you don't come. I can't stand getting stuck behind your little convoys anyhow, especially on the windy two-lane highways on my way to a client's house...thanks for making me late.

Yahoo for another tourist season being thrust upon us...

Gender Designation

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender.For example:
1) Ziploc Bags — They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers — They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire — Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon — Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.
5) Sponges — Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page — Female, because it’s always getting hit on.
7) Subway — Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) Hourglass — Female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer — Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
10) Remote Control — Female…… Ha! You thought it’d be male. But consider this — it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying...

yet another reason you shouldn't pass out at a party...your friends will do something to make you look stupid! Thank goodness I never pass out! 

Here's a Monday morning chuckle... 

The Bitch Within

I had a really good post written...and lost half of it. Thanks Blogger. So now you get the abbreviated version.

I tried to go to the movies Friday night with the kid, even went rummaging through the reconstruction at Park Lane Mall on Spring Garden Road to the theatre area to buy advance tickets as we weren't sure when it opened. We get there and park in the underground garage, only to have to walk down a ramp to the floor below for an operating elevator. The movie's dialogue track doesn't play. No one fixes it. The Bitch within stepped out. She demanded her money back from pubescent customer service and bitched the whole way back to the car. The elevator wouldn't go to P3 and both the bitch and her daughter didn't recall not getting it in the first place on P3. Once the bitch figured it out, she attempted to convince her daughter of the fact they had to get off a floor below or above and walk down. Daughter is not convinced. Yelling ensues, and although they do just as the bitch suggests and locate the car easily, the daughter still isn't convinced. The bitch tries to get her money back for parking since the movie wasn't playing as promised. No go. Parking guy chuckles and says have a nice night. Daughter still isn't willing to let it go. Raves about how bitch has embarrassed her tonight. Bitch muses whether child is trying to razz mother up or is genuine...it has happened before...

After some well earned silence and the trip home to daughter's apartment...the evening resumes in good spirits and they watch The Family Guy on DVD...sure, its not The Amityville Horror as planned, but it works.

The bitch has retreated...

A Bloody Massacre

Sheesh, ya go away for a few days and leave the resident feline unsupervised and I come home to a bloody massacre! I'm happy with her victim - the late brown mouse, but what a friggin mess she made. When I first got in the door, I saw a pile of something out of the corner of my eye, assuming it was a pile of cat puke...but then I thought I saw a tail. So I finished what I was doing (setting up the Betta - Bubbles) so when I finished, I took a look...and it was a huge brown mouse...headless. I found the head about 4 feet away...there was blood from one end of my bedroom to the other. Thank goodness she didn't take it to my bed! There was scraps of fur, body parts, and blood all over the place, including the bathroom across the hall. I am guessing that the mouse fought the good fight by the mess left. Good thing I don't have a weak stomach and the weather is still cool...a couple of HOT HUMID days like we get in the summer would have made quite the stench out of this scene.

in any event, I am proud of my housebound kitty for taking care of business for me...even if she did make a mess!

Its Hump Day

and I love it! I am on training for the next two days once this day is over, in the big city. I get to see my kid, and those of us going on training are going out on Thursday night to a great pub. Whoo hoo! In other less enjoyable news, my roomie told me she is planning on moving out soon, like next month. She wants to get her own place and her mom is coming to visit for a month, and so on...YIKES! Now I have to cover all the rent and expenses and I don't know if I can. Just when things started to ease up for me a little, I am going right back down into the pit of debt...whine...maybe I will have to scope for a new roomie, but I will try the summer without one and see how it goes. I'll miss having roomie around, even though she was rarely here. She's a cool gal and a good roomie.

I just hope this day doesn't go on forever!!!

Clark Jungle Hammock

I did it. I bought a Clark Jungle Hammock. I have always HATED how I felt after sleeping on the ground while camping, no matter how many different types of sleeping pads, cots, etc I used. And then last summer I tried my nylon hammock on a trip and it was WONDERFUL, with just two drawbacks - flies and dew. With this hammock I will eliminate both of those! I can't wait to get it and try it out in the back yard. No more aching back and hips from a rotten sleep on the ground, and what a wonderful idea! Ok M. and K., time to plan our first excursion! May 24 will be upon us before we know it...I wonder if it has a pocket for beer...

and you know what

I think I got a sunburn today...bonus!

When Is Enough Too Much

I hurt right now. I was rather productive today, and cleaned out my car, vacuuming it through and got out the armor-all, cleaned the trunk, and polished up the windows. After that I tackled the flower beds, snipping and raking away all the dead stuff from last year. I bagged and dragged all the garbage and recycling to the end of the driveway. I filled all the birdfeeders again (not a big task, but in the list!), I finished a load of laundry, washed the dishes, vacuumed up all the frigging flies AGAIN, along with the dust bunnies...they are ganging up to get me, the bastards. I even had the wet/dry vac out to clean out the car, including the ice frozen in my spare tire compartment...how in the hell...

so now I hurt. I might not be able to move tomorrow. You would think I just ran a marathon for pity's sake. What a wuss. Well, this wuss is taking to her sofa once again. whine. sigh....

Saturday in Seclusion

I love Saturdays. You can choose to stay out drinking all night sleep in or get up early (which I normally do and did today). You can choose to do all your household crap today or leave it for Sunday. Personally would rather get it done ASAP so I can relax the rest of the weekend. I have Monday off, so it is a long weekend for me.

I did a presentation yesterday to the interagency committee in our area - probation services, transition house, family services counselling, restorative justice, rcmp, addiction services, etc, you get the picture. So I had been asked to present on how our agency (children's aid) responds to domestic violence. Easy enough. Then they asked me how do our workers cope with the high stress we deal with daily, especially after an apprehension...I tipped my arm up to my mouth and said we drink...well, at first you could hear a pin drop, then the laughs came. I was only half-kidding...heh heh...then the gal from addiction services hauled out her cards and asked if I needed to bring some back to my co-workers...it was quite funny...

so here I sit, sniffling, hacking and coughing my way through another weekend. But loving that I am NOT on call, so I don't have to listen to anyone whining and complaining that things are not right in their corner of the world and expect me to solve it.

I think I will go check out my sofa again...

Thank F?$! It's Friday

It has been a busy, busy week! I felt like I was juggling every day, but the work got done, believe it or not. And after my hellish weekend and the rotten son-of-a-bitch cold I had, I am impressed that I made it. Although I did bail on a transport tonight, but hell, I went yesterday to the same place and did all the paperwork...let the other gal go there tonight. I just wasn't up for another 3 hours in my car this week!!!

Sigh. Well, as always, when I do an apprehension on the weekend, its because I am on-call for the week. We have a 5-day hearing, which for a weekend apprehension, always falls on a Friday. And when I am on call for a week, I always get the Friday off, no questions asked. Except when I do an apprehension. Then I have to reschedule the free Friday off as I have to spend the day in court. Nice. Just how I want to spend my Friday. And today it was in the afternoon. Yes, Your Honor. I have given up my Friday off to be here with you so we can get this show on the road...so get going!

At least I didn't get a speeding ticket this time. I was watching my speed closely. It was the last thing I wanted today! I was struck though, while driving back with the Bras D'Or Lakes on my right, just how beautiful they are from that side of the lakes. The last time I was in Sydney (1.5 hours away) they were all frozen, and while still beautiful in their own way, they were awesome today. Bright sunny skies, gale of wind, so you saw the whitecaps everywhere. And there I was, flitting along the highway like it was the coast of the ocean...oh yeah, it was partly that too...I don't much like all the driving I have to do for my job, but the scenery makes up for it sometimes! I can't wait until I can take my breaks at the beach again.

So now what is the weekend plan? Putter, lounge, eat, and sleep. I bought a ton of movies the other night at Movie Gallery - $2.99 each with buy two get two free...whoo hoo! There are also some replanting I have to do, now that I have my herb garden all done.

What a TRIP.

driving home from M.'s tonight and it was SNOWING! I turned on the highbeams because I live in the country and want to see well ahead if there are any bumps animals in the road. Turning your high beams on in the dark while it's snowing is just downright trippy whether you have a buzz on or not! There I was, creeping down the local highway at about 30kms under the speed limit because I can't see the damn potholes in the road or should I say, what is left of the road when you have to dodge the potholes like an obstacle course...dammit the roads are nasty in Cape Breton...Nova Scotia for that matter, but Cape Breton is downright nasty. My poor little car almost gets lost in them.

Anyhow, its snowing directly into the headlights on the drive home, so I am feeling rather Han Solosish as I cruised through starfields snowfields...

Ok, that's enough snow...got my trip, now STOP snowing. Thank you and good night.

I Don't Know What The Hell Happened!

I left home at 3:30pm on Saturday to get a few things in town, picked up some gardening supplies as it was a beautiful day here and was just checking out at Canadian Tire when my pager went off...it went downhill from there.

Of course, can't get into details, but that one call had me busy with a difficult family until 4am, and saw me back at it the next morning from 10:30am - 8:30pm. And I'm still not done.

All I wanted to do that day was plant some herbs...and instead I ended up working with the most challenging family I've ever come across. And I'm sick again too. WHINE!

It's All About Me

Taken from devilboss at Fruit and the Devil a nice little list...lets see what I come up with.

I Live: in rural, catholic, conservative Cape Breton

I Work: for Children's Aid

I Think: about work no matter how much I try to leave it at the office

I Smell: local herbs

I Listen: classic rock the most - lovin The Doors, Pink Floyd, the Beatles, April Wine, Rush...

I Hide: my mailman my bills and any other important papers...because I can never find them!

I Walk: to the end of the driveway

I Write: every day, in many ways

I See: the resident feline curled up next to the computer

I Sing: all the time, especially in the car

I Can: think for myself

I Watch: ER, Survivor and The Amazing Race

I Daydream: about dancing with Matthew McConaughey

I Fall: for a foreign accent

I Want: to share my life with someone

I Cry: less than I used to

I Read: constantly, for work, for pleasure, for personal development, whatever!

I Love: my daughter, more than anything else in the world

I Rode: a horse up the side of a volcano in Guatemala last year

I Sometimes: say stupid things

I Fear: I will die by falling through the ice and being trapped

I Hope: there is a soulmate for me

I Eat: alone, most of the time

I Quit: worrying what others things all the time

I Drink: Alexander Keith's Light

I Play: The Sims and Freecell

I Miss: the feeling of my daughter snuggled in my lap, asleep

I Forgive: but I don't often forget

I Drive: all the time for work and personal..4000kms last month alone!

I Dream: of never being packed on time and missing my flight/boat/bus/train

I Have: too much "stuff" and need to pare down again this year

I Remember: being a child and moving into a new neighborhood every few years

I Don't: tolerate incompetence well

I Believe: me

I Owe: a lot to student loans!

I Know: that life is what happens when you are busy making other plans (John Lennon)

I Hate: dawdling service (Augustus MacRae, Lonesome Dove)

I Feel: tired

I WANT...

...a mustang. I saw one today, a dark red one zipped by me. It was the dealer's show version...I noticed the papers in the windows and when I drove by the dealer a few minutes later, the pedestal was empty. I heard it before I saw it...vrrroooommm...and I was instantly jealous. I normally don't care a whole lot for material things, but have wanted a mustang since I don't know when.

And I don't even like Ford cars...Found On Roadside Dead, Fixed Or Repaired Daily, Fast Only Rolling Downhill, Failed On Race Day, Fails On Rainy Days, Found On Russian Dump, For Old Retired Dudes, Fix Our Rusty Doors, Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge, Forget Ours Reconsider Dodge, Fuck! Our Ride Died, Failure Of Research & Development...well, you get the point...for more car anacronisms acronyms, check out this site

but I want a mustang anyway.

What's UP?

an interesting meme from someone on Blog Explosion. Wanted to link to them but couldn't get back to their page, even through blog history...sorry!

1. _Halloween_ is more fun to celebrate than any other holiday.

2. The last vacation I took was to _Belize and Guatemala_

3. The next vacation I plan to take will be to _Thailand_.

4. I'd really like to be more _thin_.

5. I can't remember the last time I _spoke to my friend Natalie_.

6. The book I last read (or am currently reading) is _As the Crow Flies by Ann Marie MacDonald_.

7. The last program I installed on my computer was _Word Perfect Office (hate the program but it was a work thing)_.

8. When it comes to food, my weakness is _pizza - piping hot, with lots of cheese_.

9. I really look forward to spending time _with my daughter_.

Rubber Pants and a Bicycle, and a twitching kitty too

Weird. That's what I thought too when I drove past it today. There was a man walking a bicycle along the side of the highway, wearing yellow rubber pants, you know the kind with suspenders. It wasn't raining and the roads were not wet. He was carrying a couple of shopping bags with stuff in them. All I could think of is MAN it must be uncomfortable and HOT riding that bicycle in rubber pants.

Then there was the twitching kitty...awww...I wanted to cry, I swear. I came along a kitty in the middle of the road that had just been hit and was in convulsions. It truly freaked me out, as well as saddened me. I wanted to stop and pick it up, but in 5 lanes of busy traffic in an industrial town where 18 wheel trucks number high, I wasn't about to join said kitty in her despair. It was a calico, just like my own kitty. Of course when I got home I scooped the resident feline up and smothered her with affection. I can't get the image of that twitching kitty out of my head though...

the resident feline - Via...ain't she cute? I'm so glad I keep her inside! 

Sniff, Snort, COUGH, Hack

Gawd, I hate being sick. Just when I thought this stupid cold of mine that I picked up in Halifax last week was easing back...its back full force today. I am tired of all the sniffing, snorting, hacking, coughing...I swear I have used a two boxes of tissues already. The cough medicine I use is disgusting and its not even Buckley's. It works, which is the point, but I gag while taking it. I have eaten my weight in candy and cough drops in an effort to stifle my cacking. I have surely coughed over every surface in my house and office, despite my feeble attempts to cover my mouth, but when one is in the throes of a coughing and sputtering fit where lung tissue is brought forth, it ain't easy.

And then there is the RASP in my throat that never seems to go away. I have asthma, and the puffers just ain't doin' it for me. So each breath, no matter how much I gag and cough, are tempered with a little rattle and rasp. Great. Just what I need. And I am SOOOO tired. Its hard to believe I once had a sleeping issue...I put my head down on the pillow of the sofa yesterday for what I thought would be my usual 10-15 minute cat naps and woke about 5 hours later...WTF? So THATS when I knew my cold was on ROUND TWO. I have never been able to nap that long.

Oh, and since I have been sick and tired, or tired and sick, those pesky body jerks are more pronounced...I think my coworkers will soon catch me at it...most of the time I can try to turn it into a shift in position, but when one's head snaps sharply to the right and left foot shoots out to the right...it ain't always easy....sigh.

Nothing Like a Barbecue

Yesterday REALLY marked spring for me - I bought a new barbecue and we had our first of the season, complete with potato salad and grilled pork chops....YUM! Of course, it wasn't without incident...

Began shopping for the barbecue grill in the morning - first stop was Wal-Mart, of course...saw a really nice one for $129 with a blue hood on it, made out of what seemed like porcelain on steel/case aluminum, whatever...it was purty...but then I spotted one almost as nice for $79 so kept that in mind. We checked out grills at Crappy Tire Canadian Tire but saw nothing under $200 there, so back to Wal-Mart it was. Waited for about 20 minutes for someone to come with a cart to take it to the cash for me as it wouldn't fit in the shopping carts. A much older gentleman who usually works the garden centre in the summer helped me out, nice fella, and as I went to lug off the new tank, he let me know that Wal-Mart actually sells new tanks that have already been purged and filled - BONUS! so I bought one of them instead, and it saved me another trip.

Got the BBQ home and delegated my father the responsibility of putting it together, informing him there was to be no supper until it was assembled as supper was relying on the BBQ...and if anyone knows my father, this is the ultimate motivation to get things moving along. WELL, I don't know if the book had issues or my father but that poor BBQ was assembled and unassembled (?) 3 times until it was put together properly....and he lost as screw. Thankfully I still had my old portable one and we punked a screw off that one and it fit perfectly...voila!

Then I had to light the grill for a bit to burn off the factory smell and all that...went to check the grill after a bit and it was topping out at 650C...eek! S0 I thought I had best turn it down a little before throwing on the chops...put on the chops, they stuck to the new grill (forgot to oil it!) and got them ripped off without too much damage, and went in the house for a minute to check on mushrooms and onions on the stove and during that minute to 90 seconds, my pork chops took it upon themselves to BURN. Dammit. I'm not used to this much grill power! I have used a portable table-top grill for so many years, and having to wait for nearly 30 minutes to cook the damn things. Managed to cook the chops on both sides, with 5 of the 7 burnt crispy...which incidentally, my mother LOVES and ate nearly two full blackened chops...YUCK, but her favorite part.

All incidents aside, t'was a lovely barbecue...now it feels like SPRING!

Sunny Saturdays

Well, FINALLY it has warmed and dried up here...the temperature yesterday reached a whopping 8C, ha ha ha. Today is beautiful and sunny as well. Having said that, it looks like it will be raining for most of the week beginning on Monday, but I am OKAY with that. I don't have to shovel rain, and I found out that my sump pump works...

My parents are here for a few days again, although the condition of my house is somewhat less than spotless due to my infirm nature this week as I cough up a lung struggle with a nasty cold. And they are sure to point it out to me. Last week when I saw them at my brother's house, my dad mentioned that it was about time I vacuumed my car. Um, what were you doing in my car? He is right though, I put about 4000 kms on my car in March patrolling for cute hitchhikers so there was a lot of eating done in there and it gets messy...now that I have a sunny day, I wonder if he will volunteer to vacuum my car for me...

My mom and I will likely head into town to do some shopping today - she lives in a tiny outport where there is just one store and no road to Wal-Mart (so deprived). She has already been out clothes shopping on the way across the province. She is a Cotton Ginny freak like I am and bought a bundle there. About 75% of what is in my closet came from that store, I just LOVE their clothes.

Time to do battle with the flies again...