Christmas Spirit? What's That?

Christmas used to be one of my favorite times of year but I have found that it faded over the years and this year I could care less if it came at all. I now live away from my daughter, and with her grown and spending Christmas elsewhere, there just doesn't seem to be any point to the whole ordeal. I normally decorate in early December, and put up my tree in mid-December, always before my birthday on the 19th however this year, my decorations are sitting in a box in my dining room, as yet untouched. I don't think I shall bother this year, my heart isn't in it and it just seems like making a mess for nothing. As for the tree...hmmm, will miss that, but since it will be just me for the very first time in my life, why bother?

I mentioned this to my mother tonight and she was shocked...could not understand why I wouldn't decorate and at least have a tree up. She talked about her own mother not doing much after her children moved out and her husband had passed on, and how sad that made her and her siblings feel. I don't feel sad about it, I just don't feel concerned about it at all. God knows there is enough Christmas decor everywhere else that I don't need to add to it. The only thing I have done is to get some of those new LED lights that change color...they are pretty trippy and I will likely keep them on all winter as my outdoor light is cranky and only comes on when it wants to.

Even my gift-buying has gone to pot. I used to be the shopper that looked all year for the perfect gifts. It wasn't that I was super organized or anything (although I usually was) it was that when I saw the perfect gift for someone, I just bought it then and there if I could and stuck it in a closet somewhere. This year, I haven't bought a thing for my neice and nephews. Not one thing. What a rotten auntie I have become. I won't see any of them for the holiday, and they barely know me. My niece is more familiar with me since we spent time together over the summer, but the others are so young, and the two newest additions have only met me once (my brother's new woman's sons). Money has also been a factor...just moved up north so still trying to catch up with the bills and setting up, not leaving a lot of extra cash in my budget. A couple of more paycheques and I should be just fine, but until then...

The only thing I have done is write my annual newsletter, and buy a few token things for my daughter, and parents. Not mailed yet, of course. My dad's birthday is on Sunday and his card sits in a bag in my car still. Shocking for me. I am about the only one he could normally count on to get a card in the mail on time. Left to my brother and sister, you are lucky if they call you on the right day (well, that would be my brother normally) let alone send a card.

So anyhow, no Christmas spirit, no decor, no carols playing, no piles of baking in the freezer and no plans to do much of anything. I did get invited over to my supervisor's house for dinner. I will likely go, but will also cook my own bird as I love the leftovers. Other than that, I have a puzzle to put together and that is what my Christmas looks like.

One might say, bah humbug...