Insomnia, the home version - not just for Al Pacino anymore

Ah...where do I start...its been in my life for many years...good old insomnia. I've been a poor sleeper for as long as I can remember...perhaps back to when I was first married or earlier. For years I just tried all the regular stuff...cut back caffeine, take warm baths, relax before bedtime, read a boring book, etc...however it never took care of the problem. Then came my trip to Ireland in 2001 and that totally threw my sleeping out the door, on top of me being sick when I got back. Wise doctor thought it was depression because I couldn't sleep and was crying all the time and gave me one of the new popular drugs - Effexor. WEll, didn't we have fun on that...the sleeping wasn't too bad, still irregular, but within about 8 months, the twitching and jerking began. I think I have mentioned that before. So we decreased the Effexor until I was completely off it. Then I went on another trip - slept somewhat because we were so busy on that trip to Europe, but when I got back, so was the irregular sleep and insonmia. I held on from July to October when I finally couldn't hack it any longer and went to see the local pill pusher. She too thought it was a recurrence of depression and gave me something else - Trazadone. Well, I sure got sleep with that one...night AND day. I was like a walking zombie. And if I took it at night on an empty stomach, HOLY COW, I often had to crawl from the bathroom to my room becuase it zonked me out that fast. OH NO...lets find something else...August arrives and a new doctor wants to try yet another SSRI - Paxil - the drug from hell.

Well, didn't we have FUN with THAT! First, take away all hopes of sleeping again, ever...then add 10 times the amount of twitching and jerking, followed by the inability to handle any stress...great, just what I needed. Took two months of that before finally saying ENOUGH! My problem is not depression, it is INSOMNIA!!! So after three weeks of withdrawal hell and the introduction of a new drug for sleep only, SLEEP WAS MINE!!! I finally got restful sleep, and without the all day sleep hangover.

However, one can't stay on that drug forever, as pretty as it is...(purple in fact) so I had to train myself to sleep at night again, and then get off the drug. Wouldn't you know that withdrawal from this drug - Imovane - includes insomnia...oh the irony. Anyhow, I managed to get off the drug after a few months, and was sleeping on my own fairly good for a month...then came yet another trip - Guatemala and Belize - end of sleep as I knew it. Ok...time to take up the Imovane again...and now I am on a vicious cycle - take it for a week or two to catch up on my sleep and then off for a week or two to see if I can sleep on my own again...and find out that I can't. So NOW what the hell do I do?

Got an appointment to see the doc next week - hopefully a trip to the sleep clinic will FINALLY be in order. I am so tired...

And then there are those people (you know who you are) who wait until late to call me...sometimes I don't mind, I am usually up, but in light of lack of sleep lately, last night I attempted to go to bed early at 9:45pm...which is really early for me, but I just was so tired. Well, watched a little television (that doesn't bother me, it puts me to sleep) and got all dozey so turned it off and rolled over to snuggle in for sleep...it was within reach, I felt it. Then BRRRRRRRIIINNNNNNNNGGGGG! 10:20pm - it was my sister - hi, how you doing? I was sleeping, whyever do you ask? So we chat for a little bit, and then her kids need something so she hangs up. Ok, back to the bed for sleep. Just get dozing again and BRRRRRRRRRRIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG! 11:10pm - my sister again - Sorry to wake you again but I forgot to ask you for your address and when you were coming to visit me in September. Yawn...back to the bed...it is now 11:30pm, and I finally get drowsy enough to sleep again. 1:15am - I don't know why I woke up...last night was a drug-free night, so it happens. So I am WIDE AWAKE and decide to call my friend in the North West Territories since she is likely still up. Chat for abotu 45 minutes and then back to bed...this time with 1/2 of one of those little purple pills. And sleep the rest of the night.

My friend suggested that I turn my phones off when I go to bed, but PERISH THE THOUGHT! I would be freaking out about not getting that important call from the non-resident teen that she needs me...how can I dare to go to bed without the phone on? I would get less sleep, believe me.

My problem is not so much falling asleep, but staying asleep. I can usually fall asleep really easy, but once someone or something wakes me up...WIDE AWAKE I am. Yawn...its going to be a LONG day.