The Crossroads of Life

There seem to be so many of them, I need a map. Why can't I just be happy with where I am and what I'm doing? I have been busy this past few months thinking about where I want to go next, what I want to do next. In the words of John Lennon, "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" and its true. I always seem to be planning for the next stage of life, looking for something else. A gal I visit from time to time to make sense of my life (YES, a THERAPIST) suggested that perhaps it is within the next opportunity that I will find the happiness and stability I seem to be searching for. I mean, there is no sensible reason why I need to go anywhere and do anything different. I have a decent job, where I work with people I like, doing something that I am not unhappy doing, live in a good house (I've rambled on about it before, remember?) and generally like my life...but somehow it doesn't feel like its enough. Like I'm missing out on other opportunities.

I one thing that would make me happy, and I've rambled about that before as well...to meet someone to share my life with. I put it off while Amber was living at home but now that she has moved out, I feel the need more urgently. Its just no fun going through this life alone. Not that I would ever choose to go back to my marriage...I spent far too long looking for a way out of that "blessed union". Although I often think about whether or not fate has only handed me just that one opportunity to be with someone and I blew it. The time has passed. What if that is true? Then I recall what my friend had to say earlier this summer when she read my cards. That there was a man in my future and only I would know when the time is right. She gave me some descriptors of the type of person he would be, and he sounded just right. So how do I know when the time is right? What if I leave where I am now and just miss him? It was almost easier to live when I had no choices...almost.

Some things I'm considering these days (yes, these days...Amber laughs at me because I have a new plan each week...so indecisive) are the following:

1. to move to Northern Ireland for a year or two and work as a social worker. They are recruiting for the UK and I might get lucky enough to get a posting in Northern Ireland. I haven't visited the north yet and am dying to go and spend quality time there.
   
2. to try again for work up north. I know I would get the job, they as much as hired me during this spring's job search/interview process. It sure would help to get ahead of my student loans
   
3. to return to university. I still don't feel like I have completed my academic goals by a long shot. I just truly enjoyed university. The conundrum is, I don't know for sure what I would like to master in - Social Work, Criminology, or Psychology.
   
4. To stay where I am, and work for a few more years, hoping something will present itself to me (which so far hasn't worked and I feel like I am wilting)
   
5. to move to SE Asia and teach English for a year or two, and really pay off my student loans quickly. Except I would hate the heat, language would be tough, and food even worse.
   
6. I have even thought of moving back to Ontario for a while. Don't know what the pull is, but there is one.
   
7. And how about moving to BC to be closer to my sister, like I had promised her for so many years. Now that I have gotten to know the boys, I would love to be Auntie Jude from closer by, like perhaps Prince George. Except I have no desire to live there
   

So what's a gal to do? My pull right now is to pay off student loans, and I think I will likely end up taking a job up north for a year just to give it a shot. I won't take much, just store most of my stuff, or better yet, have someone rent the house in my absence with my stuff in it, like my current roomie and another person. All I really do know is I need a change...but why?