Stress - It'll get ya

Just when you think you're doing fine, stress jumps up and GETS you. Here I was, ticking merrily along, or so I thought when this feeling started coming over me last week. I recognized it allright, but tried to ignore it. I had felt it last fall, right before I went on sick leave for 3 weeks. I wasn't off for stress particularly, but I remember that feeling. I had gone off for that whole SSRI issue that I talked about earlier. My last day of work though, I was STRESSED OUT due to not sleeping properly for nearly 3 months, and being overworked.

So here I am, sleep is not terrible all the time, there are some half-decent nights but in the past week, I have lost a few as well. Saturday night was an example - went camping, slept in my hammock under the stars...well, lets rephrase that...laid in my hammock under the stars. Don't know if there was much sleep involved. Comfy enough, just no sleep. Then there was the following night - roomie's phone ringing at 1:40am and she's not even home. So lost that night.

Anyway...work has not been especially stressful...well, then there was an incident on Friday that was totally a non-incident, but I got stressed over it for no reason (at least I didn't think there was a good reason) and my workload is not terrible...I actually have most of my notes up to date and all my visits darn near done. I'm going away on vacation in two days, so its important to have it all done before I go, since I'm gone for 3 weeks.

I've been on call more than anyone has ever been - I think I've signed up for 19 weeks this year...insane, I know...but I need the money and I don't feel like I mind the work...but this past week, I have not wanted to be on-call. It hasn't even been that busy - no apprehensions (yet...shhhh) just a few phonecalls here and there. I'm known as the "duty queen" as the on-call shifts are called standby duty.

But right there in the centre of my chest is that stress...I can actually feel it. I was getting ready to leave work today and I felt it. A co-worker came in and asked me to take her to Tim Hortons before our big union meeting tonight and I told her no, because I was going home. Bye. and I left. I've never been that short with her before, but I told her I just needed to get out of there before I said something nasty at the union meeting. I just couldn't take spending another minute with anyone from work...and it's not them, its just WORK.

There's nothing remarkable going on at work that is bothering me though, so its weird. I'm not even that busy, and certainly not behind. So why does a person get stressed out? I was away this weekend, camping with friends and had a hell of a time...we laughed, ate, sat around and talked the weekend away. I don't understand it.

Then the non-resident teenager called me tonight, all stressed out herself. History is not going well and she wants to drop it and add another course. Instead of being the supportive parent, I barked at her first. Then I heard myself and got it together and we worked through it, finding her another course and sorting that part out easily. But I shouldn't have barked at her...why did I do that? Stress?

Now I leave on Sunday to go to my sister's house for 17 days. She has three children under the age of 4. I've gotten used to the quiet of my house. What in the hell am I going to do out there to control my stress level? My roommate had a good idea - initiate a brand-new walking program that gets me out of her house for at least 1 hour a day, ALONE. We'll see. I am delighted to spend time with my nephews, but I haven't really spent any time with small children in ages...I hope I don't SNAP.

I think it's time for some alcohol...darn it...I'm on call. Well, tomorrow night I am off, so there is a drink with my name on it.