Singles Ads Scorned!

I was reading this blog and sadly, could relate. I have been a member of about a half a dozen singles sites over the past few years since my divorce (2000) and it just amazes me what crap some guys write for their profile...and do they REALLY think that writing this crap will actually attract women? Just curious...so read on for some examples and my own thoughts -

MAC771 says:

"Enjoys Sports, particularly skiing, golf and hockey. Movies work but only on weekdays as the theatres are a ripoff with what they are now charging. Getting out with friends is what I enjoy most."

In other words - I am a sports freak who will throw you over for a game anyday, so don't mess with my ESPN. I am a cheapskate on dates, so we can only date every third Tuesday. I am afraid to be alone, so you better like my friends.

STEEL5 says:

"just checking this site out. Any dirty little horny chicks who just wanna have fun?"

In other words - I am masturbating while surfing the net. Come find me.

ORGASMRUS says:

"how many times do you want to O" in his opening line, then inside say absolutely nothing. What a coward.

DIVEIN1212 says:

i enjoy simming, boating good conversation, animals that dont bite. i am honest sincere and like to make people laugh I enjoy comedy and the fun things that life brings us"

In other words - I am a coward who can't swim. I like acting like an asshole. I love to make armpit noises and paper hats out of my telephone bill.

NEED YOU44 says:

If you know what' say so if your honest now. you'll meet more people who want what you want and spend less time meeting people aren't right for you.

In other words - I was dumped because I can't form a coherent sentence. Love me, not my behaviour.

INTELEGEND says:

"Who is looking 4 MR.Right or a Prince, should also be herself a Ms. Right or a Princess!! !!" in his opening line and then inside says "coming from me,..well, it sounds a bit presomptuous for one to establish his own credentials no knowing anyone at all to verify the exactitude of my conclusion on myself. The best, in my opinion would be to discover this on a personal level, face to face or, at least through elaborate communicaion, but even with the latter, it can be a shot in the dark., you know what I mean!! Reasonable intellegent, passionate, kind and sensitive. tying always to please no matter the cost. Honest and loving for the one who demonstate the same qualities. "

In other words - I like to use big words to impress you but don't ask me to define or spell them because I don't know WTF I am talking about. I can't even spell the word intellegent (sp).

and one more for the pile:

BOB12131 says:

"don't really know what to say. i try to be easygoing but sometimes i'm a little headstrong. not into the bar scene. my daughter comes first. i'm just moving along slow see what happens"

In other words - I have trouble thinking independently. I can be a real prick if you push your luck. I am an alcoholic and haven't had a drink in 13 days. My daughter will kick you in the shins, so get over it. I lost my driver's license so expect to walk.

Wondering if I can write any better...will paste my profile into the next post.