I'm not The Family Guy

But I do watch it, having recently discovered the show this spring...I know, its been on a few years...but it was the kind of show that you knew was around, but never really sat down and watched for me...until my daughter bought a DVD of a few of the most popular episoded. Well, I ROARED my head offf. Stewie has a humour that I recall seeing in a friend of mine some years ago, heh heh. The writing for him is just excellent IMHO. Not many shows (besides Will and Grace) that can get me to laugh out LOUD like I do with The Family Guy. The episode where Brian becomes a police dog sniffing out cocaine is an absolute RIOT! Now I'm hooked...on the show that is...

Another DAMN Damp Day

The sun appears to be an illusion...haven't seen it in days. I was wishfully thinking when I went out and set up my new croquet set in the back yard...the heavy mist came down and soaked me. So much for mint julips and crumpets in the backyard today...

Instead, I'm playing tech support once again for my parents and watching The Family Guy which is one of the funniest adult cartoons I have ever watched. Or should I say "animated program". Stewie just cracks me up, I love his sarcasm. The writing is so good, its shocking much of the time, and totally inappropriate...which is the draw for me! Lets draw some attention to old stereotypes and make fun of them, and we can then think about things for ourselves.

Stormy has bravely taken over Via's basket...the nerve. They are playing very well together now and Via has ceased hissing and growling at the little ankle biter...and let me tell you, the ankle bites are NASTY....he usually ends up with the business end of my foot catapulting swishing him across the floor with a YELP when he really digs in.

The tattoo is a little sore...especially when the kitten BITES it. But otherwise is looking gangrenous healthy enough. What's next?

Did I mention that it has been raining quite a bit lately??? 

tonight's tattoo, as promised! 

Friday's Mosaic

• I'm off today...yahoo! Some chores to do around the house, then I can RELAX! I love short work weeks.
• It is still raining here. I have had enough. Have sent for plans to build ark.
• I am getting a tatoo this weekend...figure its a good time since I am on antibiotics anyhow, ha ha
• The kitties are getting along very well...sound like a football team when they race around the house...we were not amused when it happened at 3 am...
• I didn't win Set for Life yesterday, so have to continue slogging away at work. I did win $4 though.
• Finally had a campfire on Wednesday night and sat roasting marshmallows to the sound of coyotes howling...very nice. The sunset was pretty good too, and this time no shrapnel wounds.
• got a postcard from my friend who was visiting South Carolina recently. Lucky gal actually saw the sun.
• I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get to go camping this year as "they" are saying lots of rain and below seasonable temps for the summer...just great.

What WAS I Thinking???

Was over at M's house last night and we watched White Noise which was quite good actually...some real jumpy moments! Just what I like in a scary movie!!! But then I had to drive home...and I was more than jumpy! I was tripping out like mad on the drive home, thinking the radio was telling me something, or someone was jumping out into the road, or I was going to blow off (high winds here last night)...I did make it home and was never so glad to be in my own house again...no more scary movies on stormy nights when I have to drive home....

Have a nice TRIP, see you next FALL

Anyone who knows me knows how clumsy I am. I have more scar tissue on my knees than anyone I know...and I am 38. And today I tripped and fell yet again. drunk again Only no damage to the body, just the salt. I tripped coming into the house from the bbq outside, spilling the entire contents of the salt shaker. Does that mean I have to throw it over my shoulder to repel bad luck? Whatever. Here are a few of my notorious falls, ending with my most embarrassing to keep you interested.

1. falling last autumn outside the courthouse after testifying. Tripped over a grass tuft growing up between the sidewalk (it was really overgrown!) and shredding my left calf and knee, my right knee, my elbows and my hands. The left calf was the worst and I have a huge scar speckling my left leg, about 5 inches or bigger. Its not deep, just huge. It ws the day before I was flying out to BC to see my sister and her family...scared the hell out of the little ones I reckon.
2. 5 months pregnant, up in the night for a craving and when climbing back into bed, I stepped on the edge of the bed, which was actually the edge of the blankets and gave myself the worst carpet/blanket burn I ever had.
3. fell taking out the garbage here last summer. Was wearing a long skirt, had both hands full and stepped into the hem walking down the steps. Another nasty scrape on the knee...thankfully I landed on the garbage so no concussion, but blood on my skirt so had to go back and change and try again.
4. running down over the hill from my grandmother's house to my best cousin's, G. Flat out, of course, as children know only one speed. Of course, on the east coast, most rocks are covered in lichens and moss...SKIDDED and tumbled all the way down the hill and cut open my knee.
5. 9 months pregnant. Went to let one of the cats in and the wind took the door, flinging me far out onto the concrete step, down on my knees. Husband yelled, and I was sent to my room.
6. Up on a ladder, slipped and fell, injuring my ankle and my pride. We were building our cabin, and I earned myself 2 weeks on crutches.
7. Walking home drunk from the bar one night as a youth, we had spent our cab fare on liquor, so had to walk for about an hour. I thought I was cool in my spandex pants and leather jacket, drop-kicked my friend and sprained my ankle, and fell...flat on my face, scraping both elbows. Earned two weeks on crutches then too.
8. The piece de resistance. While backpacking in the UK in 2001, I was carrying around my 50lb pack all day as I was flying out of London that night and didn't want to store it in a locker. Watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Then promptly tripped on the curb in the cobblestone and fell FLAT ON MY FACE. Of course, the 50lb pack didn't help and smashed into the back of my head, pinning me to that lovely cobblestone. I scraped both my knees, my elbows, my hands, and my forehead. Oh, and I tore one of my two pairs of pants. Just great. Thankfully some foreign tourist rolled me over and helped me up while the locals snapped photos of me, laughing (miserable feckers). They probably thought it was just another Irish gal, drunk again. I have a bit of a Newfie accent at times...

So there you have it. My life measured out in trips and fumbles. Have a laugh, I did, when the bleeding stopped...

Happy Holidaze

Well, our big Victoria Day is upon us Canucks...it certainly doesn't mean lets sit and ponder about Queen Victoria to most Canadians...it means the beginning of summer complete with sunburns, drinking, fireworks, barbecue, grass cutting, beaches, and camping, just to name a few. Unfortunately, I am on-call all weekend, so will not be partaking in many of the above noted activities...however, THE SUN IS OUT, so I am happy, at last. I may even light that fucking firepit tonight and make s'mores. The neighbor is out on the riding mower so I can't wait to go out and SMELL the grass. Nothing says summer more than fresh cut grass.

I may even sit out and read for a few hours this afternoon, since we are in pre-infestation days for mosquitoes and black flies (I hope).

hope everyone is enjoying their holiday weekend!

Old Dog, Old Tricks

yup. That's me. I found myself with an abundance of yarn recently and wanting to use it up before I end up like my mother with bags and boxes everywhere of craft projects...so I asked mother for her granny square pattern and lo and behold...I am crocheting again. I had crocheted years ago, in the "old days" when I was a stay at home mom. Haven't been that since the summer of 1997. I was surprised how quickly I recalled just what to do. I didn't even really need the book. One simply diagram and I was off and running!

what's pathetic is that is what I find myself doing this Saturday night on a holiday weekend...while watching reruns of ER on DVD. I'm on-call, so couldn't really go far anyhow, but this is the weekend most of my friends chose to be out of town too! So the big loser stays home alone...well, not completely alone. I do have my two felines to roast on the firepit drive me crazy...here kitty, kitty, kitty...

(kidding of course)

Stop the Insanity!

well, at least stop the fucking rain. I have had enough, and am considering filing a complaint with Mother Nature. Just what is your problem, woman? We have seen the sun maybe 5 times since spring arrived in March. And on one of those days, I got sunburnt. Sure, the grass is green, and the flowers are up, but I am IN. We have had rain every day this week and it is still raining.

I have finished up my lovely firepit and can't get a decent day to sit by the fire...its a plot, I know it.

At least the cats are getting along...no blood spilled and they are playing together now. Haven't heard a hiss or growl in days...

Prime Depression

I'm not one for politics, but this cracked me up...

A man on his way home from work in downtown Ottawa came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The Prime Minister is just so depressed about the corruption scandals that he stopped his limo in the middle of the freeway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says the country hates him and he can't quit because he hasn't a big enough pension to retire. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about a hundred litres but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

Barn next to the previous shed...its all written up too...he's talking about some thing that were stolen and when...I wonder if he caught the rat bastards... 

passed this on a road trip through remote Cape Breton...that's true east coast classy, I tell ya...on the end of the building it says "Stay off my property you rat bastards" 

Tuesday Tidbits

- resident feline has overcome her cowardice and is now just openly hostile towards the new kitten...but sometimes is just very curious. She's still a bitch most of the time though.
- non-resident teenager is coming today for a 3-day visit. We both work this long-weekend, so we agreed on a mid-week visit. whoo hoo! I have missed her something awful.

- the sun appears to be scared shitless to appear again...its been in hiding since Sunday, with no hope in sight, leaving me to whine about my sunburn in the fog

- I finally got my parcel from e-bay - 3rd season of ER. Little shit who sold it to me over a MONTH ago finally posted it last week. I thought I was getting the shaft once again
- my doctor's appointments in Antigonish are getting more expensive...I can't stay away from Cotton Ginny and spent another $100 I can't really afford there last night...sigh...but I will look snazzy in court this morning (for work)
- if the weather clears this afternoon, the visiting teen and I will attempt to clear out the firepit, put new sand in and light it again tonight...I have post traumatic stress from the flying brick of last week's fire, but am willing to face my demons and try again...

Snow and Sunburns?

Ok. Only in Cape Breton can you have a snowstorm on Saturday morning and then a sunburn on Sunday morning. WTF? I was cleaning snow off my car yesterday and today I had to put that icky green gel on my sunburned legs and face! I was only out for about an hour, reading in the backyard (next to that killer firepit), but yeah, I am burned RED! But I'm not complaining, I am happy the sun was here today...what a gorgeous spring day. My tulips are up, and I fought off the bumblebees to plant sunflowers. They were going after some purple flowers in my flower box. And since when did bumblebees get so damn big and have RED on their butts? Perhaps they got sunburned too...

Glorious SUN!

and then I burnt myself. My skin had been in such withdrawal after a long chilly (but not too stormy) winter and so when I spent an hour outside reading today, I managed to get my legs, face and arms burnt. The temp wasn't all that high either, just about 15C or so...but I am definitely RED. skin cancer be damned, I am just glad to see the friggin sun today! I sat out and finished my book - The Five People You Meet in Heaven which was pretty good...now I'm on the prowl for my next read...

The Tail of Two Cats and other Brambles

The truce is off. Stormy got too close to Via and all hell broke loose. They both hissed and growled and fluffed their tails. I scooped in to pick up the little one and his heart was beating a mile a minute. The coward retreated to my bedroom again.

He has been a busy one today...climbed all over and inspected most of the first floor. He is such a good kitty too...litter trained AND using the scratchpad. Bonus.

Got up to SNOW on the ground this morning. And I had already burned put away the damn shovels already...oh, but it wasn't that much...melted by mid-afternoon. But serious...WTF??? It's mid-May.

Did I mention the really great mother's day card I got from the non-resident teen this week? She knows how much I prefer the handmade cards, no matter what her age...so she bought me the standard Carlton, and then tucked a little handmade one inside. It reads "Thanks for always being there and for being the hippest ma on the block! Ha Ha, that was cheesy! Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks, and I love you!" I cried. She is the only person in the world that really gets me. Thanks, kid. I love you too.

now, thanks to bubblehead, I have to go watch The Breakfast Club and turn off that Frank Zappa...man he must have had some interesting drugs when he wrote Don't Eat The Yellow Snow...I am not in the headspace to listen to it tonight!

Stormy - the newest resident feline...welcome to the crazy house, my boy. 

Times When Using the "F" Word Was Appropriate

This cracked me up...I wish there were visuals to accompany, but alas, you must use your imagination! And remember...they are just in fun...

"Scattered f___ing showers, my ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC

"How the f___ did you work that out?" -Pythagoras, 126 BC

"You want WHAT on the f___ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo, 1566

"Where did all those f___ing Indians come from?" -Custer,1877

"It does so f___ing look like her!" -Picasso, 1926

"Where the f___ are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937

"Any f___ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938

"What the f___ was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

"I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in the head!" -JFK,1963

"Aw c'mon. Who the f___ is going to find out?" -Bill Clinton, 1997

I had a bunch of pics sent to me, but this one is my favorite...it took a sec for my brain to catch up to my vision though...heh heh 

Ten Heads - No Ears

I saw that written in the local paper yesterday in relation to a protest against a town council...I laughed my ass off...someone had it on a sign.

The rabbits must be in a high production part of their 7-year cycle...I saw ten on one 8km dirt road I went over last night. One even sat still instead of running off the shoulder into the bushes...looked just like a chocolate easter bunny!

Missed a doctor's appointment today...RATS! Now I have to beg the gate keeper tomorrow for a squeeze in appointment...she's a tough nut to crack, that receptionist.

My neighbor finally cancelled the movie channels on the dish subscription we share...now I am forced to watch all those other channels...heh heh...

Tomorrow is my Friday - I have the real one off and unless I do something serious like apprehend a kid tomorrow (which is what no one wants) I should be able to ACTUALLY take the day off on Friday. I have had to reschedule my relief day so often because of court matters with my job.

I got my Mother's Day card in the mail today - a lovely Hallmark as well as a basic handmade one...she knows how much I adore handmade cards, and even though she's almost 19 years old, I still want that handmade one! They are so much better...and I got two last year :-)

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

The Case of the Exploding Firepit

Yeah, that's what happened. We gathered around the newly constructed firepit only to suffer shrapnel wounds...apparently the bricks I bought (with the help of the not so trusty Central Building Supplies yahoos) are not so heat resistant, and once the fire got going, they did too...exploded into a million pieces and shot out like cannon fire. There were injuries, myself included suffered a nice little burn on my top lip that blistered immediately. Great. We got our smores in spite of the torpedoes as we thought it was just the wood...then I got up in the morning and noticed that the plastic bag that was out there had brick melted to it...and so I went to inspect and discovered the bricks had crumbled to not a hell of a lot.

So in I marched to the building store and demanded a full refund for my bricks. The guy who helped me happened to be the guy who sold me the bricks and tried to back out of it saying, well you did get the bricks you wanted though, right? Um, no. When I went, I told you what I wanted to build and asked you to show me the right bricks. You even suggested a pattern to lay them in at the bottom of my pit, and measured for the size to calculate how many bricks I would need, wrote it on a slip with the brick code and sent me out to the yard. Asshole. So he caved and refunded my money.

If I wanted to be a super bitch, I could have told him I was going to sue them for injuries, pain and suffering....but I wasn't wearing THAT hat today...I left it in the car...

so now I have to dig out all that shit and throw it away, and get some sand to line the pit with, which will be fine and won't explode on me. Stay tuned...

Mother's Day

I'm sure many bloggers will be writing today about Mother's Day...I'm no exception. This one is particularly noteworthy for me as it is the first one I have spent apart from my daughter. She moved out last June to attend university and live on her own with her boyfriend.

I miss the handmade cards created in high secrecy, the flowers picked from a neighbor's yard, the cold burnt toast and juice served in bed, and the big hugs from those skinny little kid arms.

I can take comfort however in knowing that I did my job well and have raised a wonderful daughter who is very independent and moved out before her 19th birthday to live on her own. She will be 19 next month and honestly I don't know where the years went! Then I sit and think about all the memories I have of her in each of those years and wish I had them to live over again, even the rough times.

so dear daughter, if you are reading this, thank-you for being my daughter and allowing me the experience of being your mother. I have thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

Today's Toiling Effort

Thanks to my friends R. and A., we completed the new firepit in my backyard! The idea began to take root earlier this year after my landlord and neighbors used a tractor to pull a few stumps out of the back yard. They asked me if either of those spots were good for a firepit as I had mentioned I wanted to make one, and since they already had gaping holes in the yard, I figured sure, why not. But then after it was dug out (but not constructed) I realized this morning I didn't really like the spot...too close to the house, I was concerned fire might travel through the huge roots sticking into the pit, and I couldn't really dig it smooth with all those friggin roots left behind, as well, I couldn't see the sunset. So I dug a new hole farther down into the yard, on level ground, with NO ROOTS! And I used the dirt and sod from that to fill the previous hole. Then we were cooking...add a layer of sand and gravel for drainage, a layer of brick, and then a ring of local stones and we're set! I bought a couple of tiki torches at Wal-Mart, and spent some of the afternoon gathering stuff to burn. No one around me burns wood, so there was plenty to gather out here in the country. My neighbor built a new corral last year so I can have all the old posts to burn, which is GREAT!

So the "christening" of the new firepit happens tonight with some friends gathering to roast marshmallow, have some s'mores, beer, and whatever else they want to bring. Here's to the official beginning of spending-time-outdoors-now-that-I-won't-freeze-my-ass-off season!

my brand new firepit

lovely sunset, taken from my front patio last night 

My New Toy

I did it, I joined the rest of the country and bought a digital camera last night. I had thought about buying one for several years, ever since they first came out. And when the non-resident teenager was in house, she bought one and I used hers. It was a very simple model, cheap with low resolution, but did the job and got me used to working with digital pics. Then my parents got one, and my sister got one and I was able to use theirs when I visited. My brother had had one for a while before them as well. and they are all Kodak Easyshare cameras.

Now I will be scoping the neighborhood, taking endless amounts of photos. My plan is to take the camera on the road with me when I work as I often come across beautiful scenery and alas, have no camera with me. And of course, if a child needs a picture taken of them for my file...I am ready!

So the next post will be my first picture taken with the digital camera...

The Male Face

Little known fact. Did you Know?:
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Just thought you might want to know.

How can it be almost Friday already???

Here I sit, in front of the 'puter, wondering where in the hell the week went. And why I haven't posted since Sunday. WTF? I was in Halifax for the past day and a half for a conference, which was great, although a serious topic (child sexual abuse) but good presenters and a chance to meet up with old friends I hadn't seen in a while. Of course, a trip to the city also means shopping...only went to one store, Hill Tribe, and I just LOVE their clothes and other items! Granted I can't afford their regular priced clothes, but they have WONDERFUL sales and I made off like a bandit today...and I bought a TALL KITTY! You know the kind, wooden sculpture, painted, made in Indonesia. I just love it!

So tomorrow is Friday...THANK GOODNESS! I am on call, but hoping for a rather slow week, if possible...and good weather so I can get out and swing in the hammock...not my new one though as I still don't have it and might not even get it now...found a sticker on my door today from UPS and a COD fee of $98!!! WTF???? Criminal, that's what it is. I paid a small fortune for the damn thing in the first place, and now they want to charge me extra for WHAT? So I intend to have a conversation with them tomorrow. Its likely some ridiculous border fees, and I won't be paying that much...fuck that to hell with that. wahhhh....

Sunday Ramblings - Read it or Not

funny how one letter can change a word. like read + y makes it ready. And live can be love, head can be heed, and bed can be bad...

I've been reading a bit about parents and others all in an uproar now that their child has discovered blogging and how dangerous it is to put their information up on a blog, such as first name, town they live in, etc. Ok then...lets think about how it was done before blogging and net...check out your local city newspaper where you have wished your darling daughter a happy birthday...not only have you given her date of birth, her full name, her siblings, who her parents are, what grade she is in and what town she lives in. Um. I think that information has been available for many years. Granted not to the whole world, but there are many newspapers online with similar information which are available to the whole world. And to top it all off, you have your daughter's picture in there, front and centre. Think about this and then tell me your daughter is "putting herself out there" in a blog. You have done it before she ever thought about it.

Spring is having some difficulty finding its way to Nova Scotia...we got a little taste of it a few weeks ago and Mother Nature, in her own bitchy sweet way, took it back and told us to suck it up, its too early. Regardless of weather, there I was last night in the rain, planting a rosebush, my first ever. And I have been working on my fire pit. Its not quite warm enough to be outside to enjoy it yet, so I haven't finished it.

and just where in the hell are my packages...I ordered the 3rd season of ER from e-Bay about two weeks ago, as well as my much anticipated Clark Jungle Hammock, also ordered two weeks ago...whassup?

the damn flies have finally let up and now I have to shovel them out of the basement...is there any known use for dead flies? Let me know, I have thousands here for ya...

I miss my kid...sniff...why do they have to grow up and move away? sigh...