10 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said"Implants?" She hit me.

How come Americans only get to choose between two people to run for president but 50 for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn... that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed upin the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk.

"Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell thedifference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl, Alt, Delete' and start all over?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.