Thinking...

since my blog is described as ramblings and useless musings...here's a fresh batch...

1. as much as I try not to let this whole "diagnosis" take over my life, its creeping in there. Now when I feel an ache or a pain that I had gotten rather used to, I process it and wonder if its an ordinary pain or is it related to FM. Then my thoughts wander to - oh, well, if it is related to FM, will I be feeling it for the rest of my life? Will it get worse? I have been reading on a "support group" for FM and its quite depressing. I think I'll be leaving it as all they talk about is new drug therapies and qualifying for disability pension. Gadzooks! I hadn't even considered not being able to work
2. which lead to my next rambling - what if I can't continue to work at my current job? What if things really don't get much better healthwise...what then? What if I can't work full-time or at social work. Stress makes FM worse and GAWD knows child protection is loaded with stress. And I think my little breakdown last fall was an indicator that my body is not up to the task, at least not in its current state.
3. so now I sit on the edge of sanity, wondering how much more I can tolerate. And on the grand scheme of things, I'm not being asked to tolerate that much compared to the misery of others, however, I do know that I have been pushed to my limits this past year and although I didn't snap, I came darn close.
4. So what do I do about it? I know that I don't want to spend my time whining about FM, thats for sure. I just hope for understanding from friends and family about it, and the wisdom to make good choices for my future.

wow...that was heavy...so now its time to lighten things up a bit...check back for my next post in a few minutes...